Dear Mexican: First, some background. I am a U.S-born Mexican. Actually, until the time I was seven years old, I lived in Mexico. I’m now 24. I recently went to a Mexican nightclub to get my huapango on. I wore black lagarto boots, dark Wrangler jeans, a black shirt and a beige sport coat, and topped it off with a beige Stetson tejana. Judging by the looks from the women, young and not so young, I could tell the classic cowboy look was working for me. I had a good time dancing to the classic norteñas and cumbias that never go out of style.
But to my question: What the hell is up with other guys and their jacked-up version of vaquero style? Tiny hats, half-sized ties, skintight capri-looking jeans, and boots that are probably three sizes too big for their feet and curl out and up like Aladdin shoes — not to mention the “Coach” patterns or the chess look or brightly colored stars! What the hell, man? They show up with Nike, Polo, Adidas and a variety of other logos on their already ridiculous hats. Oh, I forgot to mention the lights on their hats, too. Half the fun is laughing at these clowns. Mr. Mexican, explain, por favor — and I would like this chansa to send a big ¡Culeros! out to these fools.
El Real Cowboy de Dallas
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Dear Paisa: Good for you for sticking to the old-school ranchero look; too bad your generation doesn’t care to look like a square. You mentioned a couple of fashion trends. The bent-out-of-shape tejanas come from the pasito duranguense movement from last decade; the curlicue cowboy boots get the name botas picudas and originated in San Luís Potosí; and the ridiculous use of high-end brands is all “Narco Polo” style, the name given to the ostentatious sartorial standards of the children of narcos. Working-class young men have always cared deeply about how they appear and look for inspiration from men wealthier than them, so it’s no surprise your peers se visten the way they do. I personally don’t like that type of dress, especially when pendejos smash disparate forms into one grande payaso-fest — but folks talking shit on how other people dress is as old as one caveman telling another caveman that their mammoth pelt vale verga.
Dear Mexican: When I’m around my workers, I keep hearing the word camote, and they are not speaking about yams. What is the slang use of camote?
The Gabacho From Sylmar
Dear Gabacho: Usually, it means “penis”; occasionally, it means cerote, which means “turd.” Ain’t Mexican-Spanish slang grand?