Delegating Denver #10 of 56: Dems Abroad
Total Number of Delegates: 11 Pledged: 7 Unpledged: 4
How to Recognize a Democrats Abroad Delegate: Dems Abroad are the luckiest of all the delegates. They draw their ranks from Peace Corps volunteers, embassy personnel, artists and glamorous Hollywood movie stars. They are the American intelligentsia who are trying to escape the pervasive stupidity of American culture by living their American dream in a foreign country. Most Dem-Abroaders are wealthy and have well-established social connections to high-ranking politicians and the international jet set. From their diverse vantage points, they monitor how American culture is ruining life across the planet and report back to the global cabal of the liberal media. That is, of course, when they’re not eating three-hour lunches, photographing endangered wildlife, scolding the locals for moving too slowly and writing travel columns under assumed names for French Vogue. They are extremely easy to identify. Dems Abroad wear university-professor-inspired, natural-fiber preppy basics of wool, tweed and (organic-cotton) khaki, and accessorize with the handmade balaclavas, dashikis, caftans and khongors that they have acquired across the globe. Female Dems Abroad are especially fond of chunky jewelry, especially if it was made from some kind of unrecyclable garbage by village women and/or children.
Famous Democrats Abroad: Gertrude Stein, fashionista Marc Jacobs, Madonna, David Sedaris, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sean Penn and John Malkovich
Famous Democrats Abroad With Denver (or Aspen) Connections: Denver's #1 Democrat, Diana DeGette, was born in Tachikawa, Japan. Michael Douglas and Johnny Depp both have vacation homes in Aspen.
Democrats Abroad Nickname: Ex-patriates (official); Americow, Big Mac, Big Devil, Burger Muncher, Cowboy, Gaijin, Gabacho, Goober, Gringo, Gweilo, Gubba, Hamshank, The Man, ´Murrican, Pig, Pilgrim, Roundeyes, Yank (unofficial) Population: 3,768,359 Racial Distribution: 93% white, 3% black, 3% Asian, 0% Native American, 1% Hispanic Per Capita Personal Income: $226,440 Unemployment: 0%
Recommendations for the Democrats Abroad Delegation:
Most Democrats Abroad Denver Neighborhood: Union Station
Most Democrats Abroad Bar: Quixote's True Blue/Cervantes’ Masterpiece Ballroom 2637 Welton Street Named after the author of Don Quixote, this jam-band bar will appeal to the adventure-loving globetrotter in all Dems Abroad delegates.
Most Democrats Abroad Restaurant: Mercury Cafe 2199 California Street If the United States of America were more like the Mercury Cafe, Democrats Abroad could stay in their native land and still enjoy a culture that is both strange and foreign.
Best Day Trip: Eldorado Springs Swimming Pool Dems Abroad are well-schooled in the joys of the simple life. They have traveled the world over in the pursuit of authentic culture, and will settle for little less while they are here. Eldorado Springs Swimming Pool is authentic Colorado. It doesn't require the expensive gear and/or motorized vehicles demanded by the purveyors of extreme recreation. Just bring a swimsuit and a hotel towel to enjoy the best that Colorado has to offer. Although close to Denver, Eldorado is worlds away from modern America. The spring-fed pool was built 100 years ago and hasn't been updated since. People come here to enjoy the refreshing waters while they relax beneath the shade trees that line South Boulder Creek. In the natural setting, people are free to "come as they are." No need to worry about unkempt body hair. Inner-thigh sideburns, back hair and Sasquatch legs are as common here as peeling locker-room paint and concrete deck cracks.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.