Delegating Denver #33 of 56: New Hampshire
Total Number of Delegates: 30 Pledged: 22 Unpledged: 8
How to Recognize a New Hampshire Delegate: “Live Free or Die” is the motto that New Hampshirites use to project their image of fierce independence. In truth, it briefly explains the state's tax code, which exempts residents from paying any sales or income taxes and is also a reminder of the state's only social program available to the needy. The tax-free, if-you-make-it-you-can-keep-it fiscal policy attracts businesses, suburban sprawl and stingy relocators from Massachusetts and New York, who are tired of the rat race of community-building. It also helps to keep the Granite State's funding of public schools at rock-bottom levels! While the state struggles under a Supreme Court order to find a way to "adequately" fund a "reasonable" education for poor students, there's still no mandatory kindergarten, and nearly 50 percent of the state's students test below proficient in math. It doesn't add up. But it has been good for the snowmobiling/motorcycle racing/speedboat business, even though the casual observer would think that all personal income was being spent in tattoo parlors and gun shops. Subsequently, New Hampshirites will stand out as the convention delegates who are the slowest at counting change. This will give them plenty of time to grumble about the "mile high" taxes and tips. Granite State females prefer Gramicci tunics and pants purchased from Peterbourough-based Eastern Mountain Sports, while males will wear the "big check" plaid shirts and denim jeans with pull-out coin pockets from Amherst-based Timberland.
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Famous New Hampshirites: Christian Science Church founder Mary Baker Eddy; Antebellum statesman Daniel Webster; Tupperware inventor Earl Silas Tupper; McDonald's hamburger brothers Dick and Mac McDonald; first American in outer space Alan Bartlett Shepard; Pussy Galore and Blues Explosion frontman Jon Spencer; Black Sabbath's Ozzy Osbourne replacement member Ronnie James Dio; Queers vocalist Joe Queer; folksinger Ray LaMontagne; novelist John Irving; Da Vinci Code cracker Dan Brown; comediennes Laura and Sarah Silverman; alpine ski champion Bode Miller.
Famous New Hampshire Democrats: Signatory to the Declaration of Independence (the real) Josiah Bartlett; 14th United States president Franklin Pierce; first female to be elected to the position and 88th governor Jeanne Shaheen; (the unreal) Granite State guv and U.S. president Josiah Bartlett as played by Martin Sheen on the TV show The West Wing.
Famous New Hampshirites With Colorado Connections: Longs Peak namesake Stephen Harriman Long; town of Gunnison surveyor John Williams Gunnison; city of Greeley namesake Horace Greeley; city of Littleton founder Richard Sullivan Little; Denver councilwoman Sue Casey; artist and gallery owner Paul Hughes; Ca¢heFlowe sound sculptor Justin Gitlin; University of Denver hockey defenseman Andrew "The Bow" Thomas.
State Nickname: The Granite State, The White Mountain State, The Switzerland of America (official); New Connecticut, A Cluster of Archie Bunkers, Arkansas With Snow (unofficial) Population: 1,314,895 Racial Distribution: 95% white, 1% black, 2% Asian, 2% Hispanic Per Capita Personal Income: $34,702 Unemployment: 4.3%
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE NEW HAMPSHIRE DELEGATION
Most New Hampshirite Denver Neighborhood: Belcaro
Most New Hampshirite Bar: Rock Bottom Brewery 1001 16th Street Mall (at Curtis) Frugal Granite-Staters who aim low will be pleasantly surprised by the uplifting offerings of this homegrown brewpub that would be an instant hit for the sensibly sensuous in Portsmouth.
Most New Hampshirite Restaurant: New Saigon 630 South Federal Honor New Hampshire's stunning 519% increase in Vietnamese population since 1990 by eating at Denver's best Vietnamese restaurant since 1987.
Best Day Trip: World's Wonder View Tower, Genoa
The independent spirit of New Hampshirites is honored in place names throughout Colorado, and both states have a history of using the phrase "Switzerland of America" to describe their mountainous beauty. But to capture the "Live Free or Die" spirit in today's Colorado, New Hampshire delegates must ignore Granite-Stater Horace Greeley's plea to "Go west, young man," and instead head east. From the Wyndham Denver Tech Center Hotel, turn left onto East Union Avenue, then left again onto DTC Parkway South. Take the first right and merge onto I-225 to I-70 east. Welcome to the Colorado High Plains, a place like nowhere in New Hampshire. Between Denver and your destination of Genoa stretches a 105-mile drive through a sea of wheat. No trees, no people, no buildings. In no time, it becomes an earth-and-sky blur that makes time stand still. It's a great place to wonder who paid for all this highway. More perplexing will be the World's Wonder View Tower that lies ahead at exit 371. The tower was built in 1926 as part of a truck stop/gas station/motel/cafe/tourist attraction serving travelers on the old U.S. Highway 24. The tower promises a view of six states, which has been officially verified by Ripley's Believe It or Not. More unbelievable are the rock-covered buildings below the rickety hulk that are literally bursting at their seams with artifacts, from arrowheads to Zimbabwe travel guides, amassed over the decades by owner Jerry Chubbick. AND EVERYTHING IS FOR SALE! The experience is guaranteed to make Granite State souvenir-seekers act against character and, for the first time in their lives, to "Spend Free and Live!”—Kenny Be
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