Delegating Denver #37 of 56: North Carolina
Total Number of Delegates: 134 Pledged: 115 Unpledged: 19
How to Recognize a North Carolina Delegate: Ahh, the Land of the Sky — such a lovely state, full of beautiful people who are impossible to understand. The only reason that John Edwards is not the 2008 Democratic National Convention nominee is because of the way he talks. No wonder Tar Heels get so momicked, they do so love to chew the fat! You might could say that they'll be the youngerns down to the convention who are fixin' to engage all y'all in some conversations but are frustrated that no one can undertstand them. They do speak the English language, interspersed with these common expressions: "Jeet yet?" means "Are you hungry?"; "Imonna star, yonta drink?" means "I'm going to the store. What flavor of Coke (orange, Sprite, Pepsi, etc.) would you like?" Although a seemingly courteous phrase, be wary of the ever-present passive-aggressive "Well, bless your/his/her heart," as it is usually followed by an insulting folksy wisecrack such as "But your hats done got your hair all goobered up" or "Too bad about your/his/her face." Both males and females wear brightly colored sweatsuit ensembles made by Winston-Salem-based Champion Sportswear. Be careful not to compliment delegates’ outfits by saying "How nice!," because that's the expressions North Carolinians use to say "Fuck you!"
Famous North Carolinians: First American-born Anglo baby Virginia Dare; journalists Edward R. Murrow, David Brinkley, Charles Kuralt and Howard Cosell; storytellers Thomas Wolfe and Tom Robbins; cartoonist Nick Galifianakis; musicians Thelonious Monk, Roberta Flack, Doc Watson, John Coltrane, Funkadelic George Clinton, Tori Amos, Loudon Wainwright III, Ben Folds, Jo-Jo Hailey, Ryan Adams and all Archers of Loaf bandmembers; actors Andy Griffith, Pam Grier (Foxy Brown), Jaime Pressly (My Name Is Earl), Michael C. Hall (Dexter) and scream queen Mary Elizabeth Winstead; funnymen Zach Galifianakis and Gallagher.
Famous North Carolina Democrats: Fourth first lady of the United States and snack-cake inventor Dolley Madison; eleventh president of the United States James K. Polk; seventeenth president of the United States Andrew Johnson; Chairman of the Senate Watergate Committee Sam Ervin; 22nd White House chief of staff Erskine B. Bowles; first openly gay U.S. Senate candidate Jim Neal.
Famous North Carolinians With Denver Connections: Nineteenth governor of Colorado Elias M. Ammons; Littleton forefather and street namesake Joseph W. Bowles; Colorado Open Lands board of directors member Russell B. Caldwell; Colorado Rockies minor-league coach Stu Cole; Hit & Run banjo player Andy Thorn.
State Nickname: The Tarheel State, The Turpentine State, The Old North State, Land of the Sky (official); The Mash the Button State, The Fertilizer State, Land of the Second-Hand Smoke (unofficial) Population: 9,061,032 Racial Distribution: 68% white, 22% black, 1% Native American, 2% Asian, 7% Hispanic Per Capita Personal Income: $28,235 Unemployment: 7%
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE NORTH CAROLINA DELEGATION
Most North Carolinian Denver Neighborhood: North Park Hill
Most North Carolinian Bar: Meadowlark 2701 Larimer Street This subterranean lounge hosts live music as varied as North Carolina's influential underground greats, from Doc Watson to Thelonious Monk to Superchunk.
Most North Carolinian Restaurant: Big Hoss BBQ 3961 Tennyson Street You're a long way from home, so excuse the touch of Lexington in our Wilson-style vinegar-and-pepper barbecue sauce. It's all served up in a neighborhood hot spot that’s as friendly as Mayberry and as much fun as taking Thelma Lou to the picture show in Mount Pilot.
Best Day Trip: Devil's Head Lookout Tower
North Carolina is a 138,000-square kilometer fire hazard. The state is essentially a thin veneer of tobacco plants and pine trees covering vast deposits of tar and turpentine. One careless strike of a match and the place would explode in flames. From the Smoky Mountains near Asheville to the Boiling Spring Lakes near Cape Fear, Tar Heels have chosen place names that serve as constant reminders of the consequences of conflagrations. North Carolinians might could concur that Colorado is no less fire-fastidious after this day trip to Devil's Head. From the Doubletree Denver Tech, turn right on South Quebec Street, then left on East Belleview Avenue, and head toward the mountains. Turn left onto U.S. Highway 85. This is Littleton, and all the land that stretches from the road to the mountains was homesteaded by North Carolina native John W. Bowles. Continue south for thirteen miles to Sedalia and turn right onto Colorado Highway 67. All of this land was homesteaded by North Carolinian Elias M. Ammons. After entering the mountains, turn left at Rampart Range Road, drive ten miles then turn left again to access the parking lot for the Devil's Head trailhead. The easy hike is less than a mile, with the hardest part being the stairway climb that crests the rock outcropping that looks (well, at least from your Doubletree Hotel room window) like the horny head of the Emperor of the Everlasting Fires. The tower atop the rock was built to provide forest rangers with a commanding 360º fire watch. Views include all of Metropolitan Denver's watershed to the north, and to the southeast, Pikes Peak is nearly close enough to touch. To the west is the scar of the 2002 Hayman burn, Colorado's largest forest fire, and a 138,000-acre reminder of the consequences of conflagration.
— Kenny Be
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