Delegating Denver #41 of 56: Oregon
Total Number of Delegates: 65
How to Recognize an Oregon Delegate:
Perhaps Oregonians have made assisted suicide legal in hopes that California transplants will consider it a viable option after their first nine months of living in near-constant rain and complaint. That's because Oregon is a beautiful landscape populated by slackers. Since the opening of the Oregon Trail, the state has always been considered the bright-new-beginning destination of choice for the disgruntled ne'er-do-wells of American mythology. It's the kind of place that is especially attractive to people who are big on dreams and short on details (and cash). To add insult to injury, people have always flocked here faster than job growth, which leaves Oregon with a consistently high unemployment rate. It also explains why the Beaver State ranks high in early retirees, strip clubs, microbreweries, and Ph.D.s who wait tables. For hard-core slackers, dream-busting advances from a lifestyle adaptation to a political agenda. Bitter Oregonians have a tendency to mock all those who stand in the way of their dreams. Consequently, their look will put all the delegates from other states to shame. Females will look sharp but sensible in Portland-based Columbia Sportswear's Heavenly Gauze Multi-Print Skirt and Omni-Dri UPF-50 long-sleeved shirt. Males will wear the Workweek-to-Weekend Tetherow Butte Pants and Grindstone Ridge Shirts. All will sport Beaverton-based Nike athletic shoes by day and Nike subsidiary Cole Haan dress shoes by night.
Disney Studio's Donald Duck creator Carl Banks; voice actor (for Bozo the Clown and Disney's Goofy) Pinto Colvig; Oscar-winning claymation director Will Vinton; Simpsons creator Matt Groening; Erector Set toy inventor Alfred Carlton Gilbert; juvenile writer Beverly Cleary; Nike founders Bill Bowerman and Phil Knight; figure skater turned pro wrestler Tonya Harding; ESPN sportscaster Neil Everett; All in the Family co-star Sally Struthers; WKRP in Cincinnati star Howard Hesseman; Sleater-Kinney singer Corin Tucker; Dandy Warhollers Courtney Taylor-Taylor and Brent "Fathead" De Boer; mother of all anarchists Marie Equi; father of Burning Man Larry Harvey; father of gastronomy James Beard; perpetual Green Party V.P. candidate Winona LaDuke.
Famous Oregon Democrats:
Former United States senator Maurine Brown Neuberger; current United States senior senator Ron Wyden; 6th United States Secretary of Transportation and (disgraced) 33rd governor Neil Goldschmidt; 35th governor John Kitzhaber; 36th governor Ted Kulongoski.
Famous Oregonians With Denver Connections:
Former United States representative Pat Schroeder; University of Denver director of jazz Malcolm Lynn Baker; Clyfford Still Museum architect Brad Cloepfil: Littleton Public School computer lab teacher Sonja Lahana; Boulder photographer and electrical engineering Ph.D. candidate Charles Dietlein.
State Nickname: The Beaver State, The Hard-Case State, Pacific Wonderland (official); Poor-again, Pour-again, Unspecific Wanderland (unofficial).
Racial Distribution: 83% white, 2% black, 1% Native American, 4% Asian, 10% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $29,340
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE OREGON DELEGATION
Most Oregonian Denver Neighborhood: Fort Logan
Most Oregonian Bar:
2721 Larimer Street
The club was started by a group of friends who wanted a venue to host a band from the Northwest, and it continues to provide Denver's most relaxed atmosphere for viewing live indie-rock performances.
Most Oregonian Restaurant:
1659 Wazee Street
The link in the Portland-based McCormick & Schmick restaurant chain that connects seafood to local produce and Colorado cuisine.
Best Day Trip: Lost Creek Valley
Californians are the fun and easy outsiders whom Oregonians love to blame for ruining everything. And they aren't alone! From Seattle, Washington, to Salida, Colorado, Californians are the scapegoat of easiest convenience. This is how Westerners deal with the fatigue and depression that is caused by America's corporate-controlled economy: through distrust of one another. To escape this vicious cycle, ask the concierge at the delegation hotel how to get to westbound U.S. Highway 285. Note that just thirty years ago, the Denver Tech Center was open range, where the high plains buckled into the Rocky Mountains. Back then, U.S. 285 was a two-lane road that provided access to summer cabins. Now the four-lane highway traverses numerous suburbs on its 38-mile journey up to Pine Junction. At Pine Junction, turn south onto County Road #126 (toward Pine). Drive for 21.8 miles to Forest Road #211 (toward Cheesman Lake), drive 2 miles and turn right at the sign pointing to Goose Creek. Drive 1.1 miles and bear left at the fork in the road to stay on Forest Road #211. Drive 9.9 miles and turn right at the Goose Creek Trail access road; it's 1.3 miles to the parking lot. The trail takes hikers into the heart of the Lost Creek Wilderness Area. The first mile rises through the burn area of the 137,00-acre Hayman Fire, started by a depressed California transplant in 2002. Suddenly the blackened ghost forest opens onto luscious stands of bright-green pines circling massive stone domes, granite arches and red-rock spires. Goose Creek becomes Lost Creek as it gets swallowed by gigantic boulders piled high over wildflower mats carpeting the valley floor. It's a four-mile hike to the shaft house; here, rusting machinery and abandoned cabins mark the site where greedy developers tried to build a reservoir in the early 1900s. Oregonians can appreciate it as a piece of western landscape so pure that it has resisted the efforts of both Californians and developers.
— Kenny Be
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