Don't even think about getting a marriage license in Denver today. Or having your cat's balls cut off. Or getting a permit to zone something. (Does that even make sense?) Or paying your late fee at the Denver Public Library for the new Philippa Gregory novel, The White Queen, which you've been hoarding so that no one else on the wait-list can read it.
Not that I'm bitter or anything.
Today is furlough day for the City and County of Denver, which means that many government offices are closed and services are shut down. It's the last of four furlough days this year, instituted as "a way to save money during a time of historic revenue decline in the city," according to the official press release. Each furlough day has reportedly saved the city about $1 million.
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So what's that mean for you, city-dweller? Here's a sample of what's open-for-business and what's not:
Open-for-business: Parking meters. 'Cause it doesn't cost the city any money to have them eat YOUR money. Trash and recycling pickup. Somebody has to cart away all those turkey bones... Denver 8 TV. So you can watch pre-recorded city council meetings during the commercial breaks of TBS's Back to the Future marathon. All city-owned golf courses. Which, I'm assuming, make money... The Denver Performing Arts Center, Red Rocks Amphitheatre, Colorado Convention Center and the Denver Coliseum. One word that's sort of two words: Riverdance.
Closed for the furlough: All Denver Workforce Centers. But you can still search for a J-O-B online: www.denvergov.org/jobs 3-1-1, the city's non-emergency information line. Call 9-1-1 instead! (Just kidding.) The Denver Animal Shelter. It's on a FUR-lough. Get it? LOL. All city recreation centers. You'll have to recreate elsewhere. The DMV. See if I care. The city's marriage license counter. Your wedding will have to wait until Monday. Sorry. The building, zoning and public works permit counters. So will your zoning permits. The wastewater management building. But, uh, who will manage the waste? Denver Human Services. But, uh, who will service the humans? All Denver Public Libraries. Please, whoever has The White Queen, bring it back on Saturday. Bring it back on Saturday and I'll be your best friend.