Don't Be A Fan-shion Disaster!

I am a sports fan. I am not one of those girls who throws on a baseball hat who can't name any of the players on her "favorite" team. I understand the sports “fashion” draw. When attending a Broncos game, I have painted my face, stomach and even worn a jersey, but you everyday-of-the-week, jersey-wearing freaks have gone too far. Enough is enough. With the recent ass kickings that the Colorado Rockies have handed out, the influx of sports jerseys have taken over our city. I can’t take this shit anymore. Take the jerseys off! If you are not watching the game, or in the game, or at the game, you shouldn’t be anywhere near a sports jersey!

Jerseys are not t-shirts, people. They are not work-appropriate attire and they are certainly not a wise fashion option for a date. They are nylon, polyester mesh weave, (Do any of those fabrics sound appealing? Seriously?) monstrosities, only appropriate for sporting events or at sports bars. By the way, I am not making up those fabrics, they exist, and you are sporting them around town like they are Ralph Lauren. And it's not just the horrible polyester smocks you are wearing, some of you men are even going commando under the jersey! Women don't want to see your "man parsley" sticking out of your not-so-couture, mesh-weave blend!

Do you see the actual sports players wearing their football jerseys out on a random Wednesday afternoons? No.

Support your team. Buy a nice polo with the logo on it. Invest your money in a great pullover. If worse comes to worst even purchase a fuzzy sweatshirt, but even a sweatshirt, to me indicates you have just given up on life. These are primarily used for cold days and are only to be worn by large men at bars. Ladies, don’t even try it. I know your boyfriends have been telling you that you look “cute” in them, but they are lying. They just don’t want other men checking you out.

This city should be lauded for supporting its winning and losing teams, but can’t we be fashionable about it? We already have that stupid dinosaur to explain to people, don’t make it worse.

-- Stephanie March