Dudes! Day Three, Part One
In celebrity-starved Denver, it's no surprise that the PleasuresDudes have parlayed their late-night TV ads for a local adult-store chain into a certain star status peopled with parties and porn stars. But thanks to the web, the Dudes have gone global – and their fame earned them an invitation to cover the red carpet at the June 7 FAME (Fans of Adult Media & Entertainment) awards in Los Angeles. They kept a totally sweet diary of their adventures, which we’ll be publishing over the next few days complete with photos. (And they promise more pix at http://www.myspace.com/pleasuresdudesparties.)
We start the day by hitting up Playboy Sirius Satellite Radio Live, where porn legend Christy Canyon works five days a week. She is airing live from the Erotica L.A. 2008 show; her station is 198. She tells me she has been fucking Nina Hartley on- and off-camera. She also tells us that she likes to teach men and women about good anal sex. She says if you have to try too hard to convince a girlfriend or wife to have anal sex you may want to look for a new partner – some women just can’t take the beefstick up the poop chute! She is very nice, and she did play a little with me, Rusty the PleasuresDude, the night before! Check her out at christycanyon.com
Casy Jordan tells us that she just finished Not the Bradys 2, and she had a lot of fun with one of my favorites, Aurora Snow! Alianna, who’s working for Vivid Pictures, tells us that she is working on the remake of Deepthroat. Steve Hirsh, the owner, talks a little bit about how big this film will be: It’s going to be a great film to fuck a chicky chick to! We then run into our friend Taylor Wayne, who’s working on fitness stuff that you can check out at crossfit.com. She is also working on a rock album.
I’m so excited to see MySpace legend Metal Sanaz! She hangs out and teaches us how to do well on MySpace. Her big tip is to cross-promote, cross-promote. She is promoting rock bands, so Denver bands, hit her up on MySpace or her new website www.metalsanaz.com – and tell her the PleasuresDudes sent you. We are hanging out with her in two weeks to do some TV stuff!
We next run into a very unusual booth, with a banner that reads "I LOVE BLOW!" It’s an energy-drink powder that looks like cocaine, is packaged like cocaine, and a vile put into a glass of water is equal to three Red Bulls. It tastes good, and it works! You can check them out at Iloveblow.com
Now it’s time to hit the Wicked Picture booth again, where we see our good friends Jessica Drake and Stormy Daniels. Jessica tells us about filming Cheerleaders, and says she’s really having a lot of fun in the biz. She shows us some petting moves and gets us very hard and excited. She has always been such a nice girl, and for sure s one of the top ten in the biz out of about 500. Stormy Daniels tells us she’s up for best director in the FAME awards for the film Desert Stormy, where Ron Jeremy plays Saddam Hussein. She says that for guys to pick up on fully gnarly, rad, beautiful women like her you have to be real – cause “Us real women can smell bullshit a mile away!”
Then we run into the male-enhancement booth of Joel Kaplan, founder of the Penis Pump. The penis is a muscle, and if you work it out it gets bigger and stronger -- so guys, if you want a bigger penis go to one of our twelve Pleasures locations and pick up a Joel Kaplan Penis Pump!
We then interview Dan the Man, the owner of the FAME awards, and he tells us how this is the people’s choice awards of porn. This is the show’s third year, and he says a lot of big stars will be there. He also says that because of the Internet, a lot of people know of the PleasureDudes, and he’s excited to see how we handle working the red carpet.
After this, we walk up to a beautiful girl, Brook Haven, who kisses us for two minutes. Later, Monica Mayhem, who we worked with in Denver, does the same thing. But what got us all hot and bothered a few minutes later was when Bree Olsen, the most pretty girl ever, whispers in my ear that she thinks Rusty the PleasuresDude looks cute with long hair. I ask for her phone number, get it and am one very happy camper!
We then run into Ron Jeremy at booth, and he says, “Hey, guys, let’s go to lunch – I’m buying.”
So we go. See ya later at the red carpet! Totally sweet! -- The PleasuresDudes
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Westword's biggest stories.