Dudes! On the Red Carpet
In celebrity-starved Denver, it's no surprise that the PleasuresDudes have parlayed their late-night TV ads for a local adult-store chain into a certain star status peopled with parties and porn stars. But thanks to the web, the Dudes have gone global – and their fame earned them an invitation to cover the red carpet at the June 7 FAME (Fans of Adult Media & Entertainment) awards in Los Angeles. They kept a totally sweet diary of their adventures, which we’ll be publishing over the next few days complete with photos. (And they promise more pix at http://www.myspace.com/pleasuresdudesparties.)
So totally and fully sweet! Dave Navarro, the Birthday Boy, is a no-show, so they ask us, the PleasureDudes, to work the red carpet by ourselves! The first thing to happen: Jamie Kennedy of the Jamie Kennedy Experiment is shooting a movie and pal Ron Jeremy and my future wife Jesse Jane are part of this movie, and we all hang out on the carpet awaiting the big show – the one-and-only FAME awards.
Tommy Gunn of Pirates and Pirates 2 cruises over to tell us he has rad, chicky-chick action for us at midnight, when the awards are finished and the girls are ready to play Truth or Dare the XXX way! I’m like, “For sure, dude, I will play porno pro wrestling on them!” (We do, and it is totally sweet from 1:21 a.m. until 4:23 a.m.!)
I love Sunny Lane! When she walks the red carpet, she gives me the cool prize of a porn skateboard and says she is doing a special tour, and when the tour hits Denver, the PleasuresDudes are all hooked up! Sunny Lane wins the FAME award for Best Oral, and trust me, she fully deserves it!
Evan Stone walks down the red carpet fully all cool with major rad-chicky chicks, like five rad babes, and he says, “Dude, I’ve seen you bros on YouTube!" He continues, "Would you like to make out with Cherry?” I say, “Yeah, dahh!” He whispers in her ear and she throws me, Rusty the blond crazy PleasuresDude, a piece of paper with her cell (I hook up later, at 4:23 a.m., and more to cum!). Evan “The Coolest Dude Stone” wins Best Actor!
Ron Jeremy comes back to the red carpet to tell me about his new, mainstream movie, Homo Erectus, coming to theaters in one week from National Lampoon. Then porn legend Amber Lynn walks the red carpet and I, Rusty the PleasuresDude, come onto her strong and she says get tested and we will fuck this weekend. I’m tested clean and ready to go – she is such a nice older women!
Now Rusty and Derf the PleasuresDudes are backstage, and Hillary Scott comes to see us after she wins the FAME award for Dirtiest Girl. I tongue her in the ear as I say congrats. The next hottie who cums up to us is Bree Olsen, winner of the Rookie of the Year! But she doesn't act like a rookie. I forgot Monica Mayhem’s name and she got mad, so when she comes to the media room I make sure that she will cum again to our promos! Check her out at Monicamayhem.com!
Princess Stormy Daniels wins Best Director for Desert Stormy, and she knows that she will be one of the biggest women ever in the adult-biz. She is a very beautiful women with a huge brain!
Now the Showtime crew of eight comes barging into the media room to shoot a Deep Throat documentary. Steve Hirsch, the creator who just won Most Rented Video for Debbie Does Dallas, comes up , and Showtime shoots us, the PleasureDudes, interviewing him. He is a very classy dude who owns Vivid Entertainment, and he tells us that the new Deep Throat will be very special!
Then Brooke Haven, the coolest of the cool, wins Most Under-Rated Star, and she’s crying. I comfort her by lightly touching her ass and kissing her on the neck! She says she is so happy she won the award, and I walk her back to her porn-star friends! Tough and cool Belladonna accepts the award for best studio for Evil Angel. She is the new, coolest thing for the tough, tattoo- and piercing-loving crowd. Babysitters, starring my future wife Jesse Jane, wins Best Film. Best Breasts goes to Ashlyn Brooks. And Best Body goes to the one-and-only Jesse Jane. I have to say, of all the thousands of female adult-film stars, Jesse Jane is the most incredible girl in the world and I, Rusty the PleasuresDude, actually have love for her!
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.
- Reader: Landlords Are Overcharging Marijuana Businesses Because They Can
Thu., Sep. 3, 7:00pm
Fri., Sep. 4, 7:00pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:00am
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:30pm
- Remembering the Denver Wax Museum and Nine More Long-Gone Local Landmarks
- Dear Mexican: Was Jimi Hendrix Part Mexican?