First things first: We're not bestowing Schmuck of the Week honors on Eldon Dick simply because his name is "Eldon Dick."
We're a little more mature than that — although, truth be told, if his name was "Eldon Schmuck," we might have been unable to resist.
No, we're tipping the dunce cap to the 55-year-old Dick (love the way that sounds) because he was busted in Nevada after allegedly bragging to strangers about being wanted for crimes in Colorado.
And some pretty schmucky crimes they were.
On October 17, the San Miguel County Sheriff's Office put out an alert about Dick, who resides in Egnar. As noted on the town's Wikipedia page, its name is "Range" spelled backwards — and a 2014 video by 4CornersTV puts Egnar's population at 129.
Dick's online address appears to be a post office box, and his name pops up on a website called StarvingFarmers.com. However, he's apparently got property large enough for a modular home he was renting to a family.
Which is where Dick's latest passel of trouble began.
According to the SMCSO, the family reported "escalating problems from Mr. Dick for weeks, including the discharge of a firearm at imaginary persons, theft and harassment."
As such, deputies executed a search warrant at Dick's home on October 15. There, they stumbled on suspected stolen property worth approximately $5,500.
That's when they issued a warrant for Dick's arrest on a slew of charges, including criminal trespass, theft, child abuse, prohibited use of a weapon, harassment and criminal mischief.
He didn't take it well — no surprise given that he's said to have a history of felony arrests in San Miguel County dating back to 2007. But this time, the SMCSO says he raised his gripes to the next level, calling law enforcement agencies and allegedly threatening to kill any badge wearer who tried to take him into custody.
“Let’s get down and dirty and see who dies," he's quoted as saying between "unintelligible screaming," adding, "I don’t give a (expleteive) how many (officers) I take with me...so come with body bags.”
Bold talk — but rather than sticking around for a confrontation, Dick headed west. On October 20, the sheriff's office learned he had stayed at a motel in Elko, Nevada, where staffers became suspicious of him after he "bragged about having a warrant from Colorado and said he was on his way to California to find a lawyer," a news release notes. So they Googled Dick's name, scored a hit, then contacted the SMCSO to reveal his whereabouts.
The Coloradans promptly reached out to colleagues in Nevada, and before long, a state trooper spotted a man matching Dick's description riding a motorcycle near Fernley, a community east of Reno, and pulled him over.
Fortunately, Dick didn't make good on his body-bag threats, maybe because the only weapon on his person was a pocketknife. He was taken into custody sans incident, with the sheriff's office subsequently kicking off the process of extraditing him to Colorado.
Insert your own Dick joke here.
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Here's a larger look at his booking photo.
San Miguel County Sheriff's Office