Adults of America (those 21 and older, anyway) have been able to legally consume cannabis in our fair state for twelve months: What had been a pipe dream is now a beautiful reality. Beautiful, that is, until you've walked out those dispensary doors after paying through the nose for a pre-rolled joint (which you could easily have licked yourself if you had the know-how) or purchasing a cheap pipe just to last you a couple of sessions. Even worse is planning to make a bowl out of aluminum foil or poke holes in a beer can and smoke out of that.
Pot-smokers, here is the harsh truth: You are all adults, so why not smoke like an adult? No more asking the nice men and women at the dispensaries to roll your joints for you. And for the love of all things holy, don't ever smoke out of an aluminum-anything "pipe." You are heating that shit up and inhaling it. No!
It's time to graduate to less-insane smoking methods, stat. So either teach yourself to roll a joint -- it's a party skill that never gets old -- or, if you're not into the whole learning-new-tricks thing, then make a pipe out of an apple, which can double as a tasty snack for your post-toke munchies. Keep reading for our rules on rolling a perfect joint.
See also: The Ten Best Marijuana Strains of 2014
How to Roll a Perfect Joint You will need a magazine, a pair of scissors or a grinder, patience -- and, of course, pot.
1. Prepare the pot. A grinder will be the easiest way to accomplish this task; failing that, find a cheap pair of nail scissors that you don't mind getting all sticky. You can also break up the pot up by hand if you're really, really bored, but the joint-rolling process will be more difficult with THC all over your fingertips.
You don't want the flower to be dust, but you do want small pieces so the joint burns evenly. Aim for about the size of a speck of tobacco in a cigarette.
Once you've deconstructed everything to your liking, put the magazine on your lap, dump the flower on top and pick through it carefully. This is doubly important if you bought a bag of shake for rolling; we won't judge, but tiny little cannabis stems will stab holes in your paper, compromising its integrity...and then you'll wonder why your joint doesn't hit very well. Make sure all of those hard little stems have been removed from the flower before you even start.
2. Place the pot in your rolling paper. Use your fingers to distribute it the way you like it. We're putting more pot in one end of this joint so that we can have a gorgeous cone shape; you might want a more classic cigarette look, though. If that's the case, simply redistribute the pot until it's where you think you'll want it.
3. Roll the paper around the flower until it's firm. There are plastic tools you can buy to help you with this part, but with a little bit of practice, your fingers and thumbs will work in tandem without any need for a tool.
4. Start twisting. When you have a nice little log of flower sitting in the crease of your paper, start to tuck the rolling paper around the flower, saving the gummed edge for last.
5. Clean up. The twist is the beginning of a gorgeous joint, not the end. Twist the ends of the joint closed, take hold of the twist of paper and gently shake it back and forth. This will pack the cannabis down inside the joint (much like tapping a hard pack of cigarettes does) and make it burn more smoothly. (You can also top off the ends if you feel like it.)
6. Add a filter. Using the magazine comes with another advantage: Those subscription cards inside are perfect for making a little filter for the end of your joint. It's not strictly necessary, but it looks awesome and will impress your friends, and it actually makes smoking the joint quite a bit easier when you don't have to worry about it burning down to your fingers. Fold one edge of the subscription card down, making a thin strip, and tear it off. Roll it into a cylinder and tuck it into the edge of your joint.
You're finished! This method takes a lot of practice to get the results we're showing you -- but it's a skill that's well worth the effort, and you really will win the admiration of friends and strangers alike if you put in the work to hone it. But let's say you don't like joints or you don't have time to learn how to roll one this round. If that's the case, then the apple pipe was conceived for someone just like you. Keep reading for a handy lesson in how to make a pipe. How to Make a Pipe Out of an Apple For starters, you'll need an apple (look at the top where the stem meets the fruit -- that depression will become your bowl, so pick an apple that has the right "bowl" size for you) and an orange stick (manicure tool), both of which can be found in a typical grocery store for less than $1.
1. Wash your apple. If you have any thoughts of eating this later -- and you will -- wash it off first, just like you're preparing to bite into it. Then dry it off.
2. Twist off the stem. You'll want to leave the bowl area empty of anything but pot later.
3. Use the orange stick to poke a hole straight down from the bowl. This stick is perfect because it's narrow but sharp and strong.
4) Use the orange stick to poke a hole from the side of the apple to the center. This will be the mouthpiece of your bowl, so you want the two holes to meet in the middle of the apple. Test to make sure that you can suck air through the apple when you place your lips on the mouthpiece. Use your orange stick to adjust as needed. For added smokeability, poke another hole on the other side of the apple to use as a carb.
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5) Load it up and smoke it! The apple skin will protect your flower from the fruit's juices (and vice versa). If you like the taste of cannabis, then you'll especially enjoy sampling this apple post-session -- or you can save it for another round if you don't feel like making another apple pipe.
If you really want to get fancy, there are classes around town that teach you how to blow your own glass pipes -- but between the two methods laid out here, you should never have reason to craft an aluminum-can pipe again.
Remember: You are a cannabis-consuming adult. Smoke like one! Have a tip? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.