First up is a mom who calls the cops on her drunk son. And then, the coup de grâce -- a man found in his car with his date for the evening: a jar of Vaseline.
Rather than attempting the lily, I present these tales to you in their original form. First, the likkered-up progeny:
Mom Turns Drunk Son Into Police
At 11:03 p.m. on May 28, police were dispatched to the 9800 block of West 22nd Place in reference to a mother reporting that her son was drunk and passed out on her porch. Police placed the man into custody. While in the backseat of the patrol car, the man continuously head-butted and kicked the plexiglass window and finally broke it.
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And now, a repulsive twist on Wet T-shirt night:
Man Caught with Wet T-Shirt, Vaseline in Car
At 9:33 p.m. on June 1, police were dispatched to the 140 block of South Sheridan Boulevard where witnesses said a man was allegedly sexually gratifying himself inside the vehicle. The driver didn't stop the car and police had to give chase. When the man was removed from the vehicle, his hands were full of a moist liquid and an open bottle of Vaseline was found in the car. The man told police he had prior arrests for public indecency and for enticement of a child. There was also a liquid substance on the man's shirt when police found him.
Anybody else feel the need to wash your brain out with soap?