Highway to Hell
Try this blog on for size: It's the first installment of The Cat's Pajamas, Amy Haimerl's blog on fashion.
The best part about fashion is its magic, its power to transform. To make you taller, stronger, smarter, wittier. The right dress, the sharpest heels, and you feel larger than life. And unlike the feeling inspired by G&Ts, with fashion, you don't have to ask forgiveness in the morning. Well, most of the time.
There were a few ladies at the Highway to Hell fashion show held at the Church on Sunday night who may need to do some penance -- and not for their sloppy drinking habits.
First and foremost: Put down the formal shorts and leggings, in combination or solo. You may have seen Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan wearing them, but seriously — you're going to trust them to be your fashion icons? They look cracked out walking the red carpet — and you won't look any better because you don't have $1,000 an hour stylists doing their best to counteract those abominations. And a pox upon your house if you pair them with booties.
Then there's the whole dress-over-pants thing. I did it. Many of us did it. And there's no shame in succumbing to the trends on occasion. But not on the red carpet. I repeat, keep the dress over pants for that casual Saturday-afternoon-walking-the-dogs look. You'll appear fun, flirty, sporty, like you just threw it on but look like a million bucks. Wear it to a high-wattage fashion show, where everyone's out to one-up each other, and it's just confusing. Beffudling, really. Did she forget she still had pants on? Is she heading to a taping of What Not To Wear after this? Please, Oh Vogue, help us.
But if you're going to do it, don't then cuff the jeans and wear blase heels with a chipped pedicure.
The Church was all decked out to match the Highway to Hell theme for The Skye fashion party on Sunday, complete with the projection of a desolate desert highway and real tumbleweeds blowing under the chairs. It was a nice touch. Too bad the fashion couldn't stand up to the party planning.
Addidas Y-3 was first down the highway-striped runway, giving spectators an up-close view of ... track suits. Track suits on greased-up models with bird's nest hair (literally — they had birds in their '80s teased hair) and stilettos. Curse Juicy Couture for ever bringing sweats in off the field and into the clubs. We love us some good loungewear, but we''ll be damned if we're going to wear it with a pair of heels that models can't even walk in. One highlight: A drop-dead sexy black woman who could work that runway and had legs and an ass that left the crowd gasping. The clothes may have been drab, but she left all those American's Next Top Model Girls quaking.
This lovely lady win's The Cat's Pajamas' Sartorial Splendor Award for the evening. For a supposedly fashionable crowd, there was a lot of black, and a lot of denim, and a lot of black and demim, but not a great deal of interesting, edgy or even pretty style. The women of Denver appear to have one safe uniform: black top, jeans, heels. Maybe something spangly around the waist if they're feeling sassy. So when we spotted this dress -- worn with fresh hair and makeup and incredibly sexy confidence — we knew she was the one. What we don't get: How event organizers made her stand in the back of the room instead of seating her on the front row. Bad runway management. You always want the guests in the first row to look hot or recognizable (ruling out Cat) for the resulting photos. Well played, Mystery Woman, well played.
While not much on this runway grabbed Cat -- even though she's a big fan of The Skye (on 15th Street) and some of the designers shown, including Cavalli and Dolce and Gabbana — a few outfits really stood out. For example, this red and print dress has a unique cut that still flatters a woman's body. It flowed nicely over the model's figure, nipping her waist and lifting her bust. And really, what more can a girl ask for?
There's nothing earth-moving about this purple shift, but the color really made it pop in a room full of black. It's a style that must be impecabbly tailored (sadly, it wasn't here), but if you've got someone up to that task (and have great arms) this is a nice, simple piece. But again, a pox on your house for the booties!
What Cat didn't expect from this show was fashion for the Sunday morning walk of shame. But yet, Highway to Hell delivered. And how! If these looks could talk, here's what they'd say.... Help! I've no idea where my clothes have gone to. But if I yank on my sweater hard enough, it should get me home. I'll just click my heels three times. Help! All I can find is my skirt and the go-go boots I was dancing in last night. What's his name won't care if I snake his Duckie Brown shirt. Wait, is that my skirt or just a large piece of gauze?
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.