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How do I grow my own marijuana?

Dear Stoner: My retired parents want to try marijuana now that Amendment 64 has passed. I don't know what I should do about that since they used to bust me for smoking back in the day.

Kind Kid

Dear KK: Don't bogart that stuff, man. If your parents want to try it, then help them out: Give them a ganja lesson on how strains not only look, smell and taste different from one another, but also have different effects. Pick an uplifting sativa hybrid like Island Sweet Skunk that won't put them down for the count on the couch, and keep dosing low. Even if your folks are former tokers, odds are they weren't smoking buds this strong.

Impress them with your joint-rolling skills. Or, if they're opposed to smoking, bake some classic pot brownies. This is your chance to show off what you really learned in college.

But all this doesn't mean you can't get your mom and dad back for the hell they used to give you. Try this prank that a friend's older sister played on us in high school: Once your folks are nice and baked with some Allman Brothers on the stereo and munchies in full effect, spread ghost pepper sauce on the underside of some wheat thins and lay them out on a plate with a bowl of hummus in the middle. It'll take about four or five crackers before the searing firemouth sets in. While they run to put their tongues under the kitchen faucet, remind them of that quarter bag of Skunk they made you flush the day of your senior prom.

Dear Stoner: I want to start growing my own marijuana, but I have no idea where to even start.

Not-So-Green Thumb

Dear NSGT: Where are you going to set up? Do you want to run a hydroponic setup or a soil grow? What strains should you cultivate? How do you keep your plants alive? How do you dry and cure your harvest? How much light are you going to need?

Didn't think there were that many questions to growing weed, did you?

Thankfully, people have considered these questions and written dozens of books on the subject. Among the best: former High Times cultivation expert Ed Rosenthal's Marijuana Grower's Handbook and grow guru Jorge Cervantes's Marijuana Horticulture, which is considered to be the cannabis grower's bible for beginner and advanced growers alike. Get both, and those thumbs will eventually get green (and sticky).


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