How will Tim Tebow's Sports Illustrated cover curse the Broncos? Let us count the ways
Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow graces the latest cover of Sports Illustrated, currently on the stands. And the picture is pretty awesome: It shows Tebow taking a snap during last week's Broncos-Jets game, thousands of fans in the background.
Of course, Tebow isn't new to the magazine's cover -- he has appeared on there at least four other times -- but this is his first as a Denver Bronco and will no doubt cause a particularly terrible incarnation of the SI Curse, which often affects cover subjects with untold horrors and disasters. (See Tulo, Ubaldo, Elway.)
So, how will Tebow and team be affected this year? Well, here are five of those ways, one of which has already happened:
5) On Tuesday, the day before the cover became available online, the Broncos dropped former starting QB Kyle Orton. Now, Orton's days in Denver were done already, but why the Broncos made this idiotic move will always be in question -- especially since two of the teams that planned to pick him up, the Chicago Bears and the Kansas City Chiefs -- are on the Broncos's remaining schedule. The Chiefs, a division rival no less, ended up with the neckbearded one -- and, most likely, the Broncos entire playbook.
4) Teammates will serve Tebow champagne after the next Broncos victory but tell him it's non-alcoholic sparkling cider. This will result in Tebow's first drunken experience, one that will end with him trying to talk ESPN's Suzy Kolber into a little kissy kissy, a la Joe Namath.
3) The Broncos will actually win out the season, meaning they will have no chance at drafting a decent college quarterback next year.
2) Tebow will lose his virginity in a moment of weakness, and, like Samson -- who lost his God-given powers to battle enemies and perform heroic feats after falling in love with Delilah and subsequently having his hair cut off -- will lose his power.
1) After running for fourth-quarter score in a game later this year, Tebow will perform his customary genuflectionary touchdown dance in the endzone, blowing out his quad muscle in the process and knocking him out for the remainder of the year. Did we mention that Kyle Orton is no longer on the roster? Hello, Adam Weber.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Cannabis Time Capsule, 1908: Teddy Roosevelt Eating Hash in Africa?
- Reader: If Only Salaries In Denver Would Increase Like Housing Costs!
- An Eternal Question: Are Colorado Girls Really Better Than California Girls?