Bar fights happen all the time, making it easy for a perp to blend in with the tanked-up, overly aggressive crowd. How to stand out? According to a Boulder Police report on view below, Jennifer Foggia managed to do so by punching a bar employee in the face, then announcing that her father is a rocket man and she's a college graduate.
The incident in question took place early Sunday at Conor O'Neill's Traditional Irish Pub in Boulder. As closing time neared, Foggia, 22, was reportedly told not once, not twice, but three times that she needed to vacate the premises.
She finally took the hint, but she allegedly returned shortly thereafter, bellowing profanities and accusing the bar's staff of swiping her wallet. In an effort to smooth out the situation, the manager went to the front door, which staffers had been unable to close due to her disruption, to explain to Foggia that no one had turned in her wallet.
Her response? She punched the manager in the face, the report says, then kicked him in the legs.
After seeing his manager getting pummeled, another bar employee restrained Foggia until the cops arrived. But the police narrative says she didn't calm down in the interim. While an officer was cuffing her just shy of 2 a.m., she's said to have yelled in a notably slurred voice, "Fuck you. My dad works for NASA. I have a fucking degree."
No word about whether she had the diploma with her as proof -- but she did have a friend who confronted another officer with loud invective and more verbal obscenities delivered in a way that suggested she hadn't spent the night sipping apple juice, either.
Finally, Foggia was loaded into a patrol car, but she wasn't finished with her poetic declarations. "Fuck you," the report quotes her as saying. "Little ass Boulder, Colorado. What a fucking joke." She added, after being unable to remove the cuffs, "Fuck you. How am I ever going to get out of this?"
Of course, that's the general idea behind handcuffs. But before this concept could be explored, Foggia allegedly pivoted in her seat and began kicking the rear passenger side window of the car with both feet in an apparent effort to shatter the glass.
The cop responded by stopping his car and calling for backup. Officers were ultimately able to control Foggia's kicking feet with what's described as a hobble restraint before the arrival of American Medical Response personnel. Meanwhile, Foggia continued tossing out the sass. The report quotes her as saying, "Fuck you, Vin Diesel" -- a likely reference to the officer's short hair. "What a joke. My lawyer in Chicago is gonna fucking sue you and your whole SWAT team."
Then, to another officer, she asked, "What are you, 38?"
Ouch! That one really hurt!
The alleged hostility didn't cease even after Foggia arrived at Boulder County Jail. She eventually was put into a chair restraint, prompting her to say, according to the report, "Very fucking professional." In addition, she threatened to sue "all of Boulder."
No word about whether Boulder has been served thus far -- but Foggia was arrested on suspicion of second-degree trespass, third-degree assault, resisting arrest and obstructing a peace officer.
Not to mention contributing mightily to a hilarious police report. Here it is:
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More from our Colorado Crimes archive: "Robert Engles accused of hilarious escape attempt to dodge bar bill."