Aspen's Jeremiah Casper was arrested after allegedly stealing liquor and meat from a high-end hotel, apparently because he needed it for what one witness described as a party in a bathroom.
These facts alone constitute manna from Schmuck of the Week heaven. And that's not to mention reports that he was shirtless and wearing an apron around the time of the bust — or that he countered an earlier accusation that he'd stolen a defibrillator, of all things, by claiming that he'd only done so because he feared he was having a heart attack.
Oh. My. God.
Granted, many of the items on Casper's criminal record aren't nearly as funny as his latest escapades, which were originally recounted by Jason Auslander of the Aspen Times, to whom we owe a debt of gratitude for the belly laughs. Casper's rap sheet over the past twelve years includes convictions for felony menacing, assault, theft, disorderly conduct and drunk driving; he's on probation for the latter offense.
Still, the peak of his previous encounters with law enforcement has got to be his arrest for lifting a defibrillator from the Base Village in Snowmass. "I have a heart condition," he told the Times in 2015, "and as I was walking down Fanny Hill in Snowmass, I felt like I was having a heart attack, and I felt like I was losing oxygen."
He added that "I had to do it in a split second, and I know where the defibrillators are in Snowmass. I took the one that was closest to me and ran to the bus stop and got home and ate a bunch of my heart medication" — which apparently did the trick, since he said he never used the defibrillator.
A larger jolt was waiting for him on June 22. According to his arrest affidavit, the cops headed to the Base Village parking garage that morning after receiving a call about a man sleeping in his car — something Casper had allegedly done at least once before.
Casper wasn't in his ride when the cops arrived, but he soon strolled up wrapped in a kitchen apron that undoubtedly made up for the absence of his shirt and shoes. At the sight of the officers, he tried to run away — and the comments of other observers quizzed by investigators explains why.
Earlier that morning, an employee at the Westin in Snowmass said he'd seen a man lacking a shirt and shoes pushing carts loaded with food and booze; at the time, the dude insisted that he worked at the hotel and was in the midst of getting dressed.
Then, a short time later, a staffer at the Base Village Conference Center told the cops that "it looked like someone 'had a party' in the men's bathroom" of the facility. Among the items police found there were two racks of unused wine glasses near a pair that contained vino and coffee, with the latter likely brewed using a coffee maker located nearby. Also on hand were some cocktail toothpicks, a prescription bottle and a drug screening test with Casper's name on them, plus, for some strange reason, a container of engine coolant.
The most prominent items stolen from the Westin, though, were edible or quaffable: ten pounds of meat, supplemented by banquet trays and cooking pans, and assorted liquor said to number in the dozens of bottles.
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The charges Casper faces include misdemeanor trespassing, felony theft and felony burglary. But that party in the bathroom sounds like it was a hella good time.
Here's a look at Casper's booking photo.