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Jersey Shore nicknames for Colorado's political contenders, bro: Guido for Governor!

J-Muscle, indeed.
J-Muscle, indeed.

Is the media beating this whole Jersey Shore thing to death? Definitely. Are we here at Westword going to join in on beatin' up the beat? Damn right.

Being the thoughtful and responsible journalists that we are, we decided to use the "Jersey Shore Nickname Generator" to create Guido and Guidette nicknames for the main 2010 political candidates (along with a few specially tailored suggestions).

We strongly suggest everybody refer to the candidates by the following names for the duration of the campaign season. We're pretty sure it will improve proceedings immeasurably, bro.

Governor

John Hickenlooper: J-Muscle

Scott McInnis: The Prince of Paramus

Bill Ritter: He's like Angelina. Didn't stick around long enough to earn a nickname.

Senate

Michael Bennet: The Body

Jane Norton: The Tight End

Andrew Romanoff and Ken Buck: They're both Princesses of Poughkeepsie, because they're as hopeless as Snooki. Somebody should just knock 'em out before they cause any more trouble.

Treasurer

Cary Kennedy: C-Pow

Ali Hassan: GTL (Gym, tanning, laundry: That's how you make Mr. Hassan.)

Attorney General

John Suthers: Juice Springsteen

Secretary of State

Bernie Buescher: The Sausage Party

Scott Gessler: S-Gel

House of Representatives

Jared Polis: Bones

John Salazar: The Operation (Everybody loves The Operation, and if you don't love The Operation, he's gonna make you love The Operation.)

Scott Tipton: Natural Light

Betsy Markey: The Paris Hilton of Trenton

Cory Gardner: The Deltoid

Ed Perlmutter: The Blowout

Mike Coffman: DJ Douchebag