Kenny Be's Worst-Case Scenario: Mysterious Colorado cattle mutilations explained
Ufologists want to claim that aliens are cherry-picking livestock's udders, tongues and organs. However, more plausible theories do exist...
...Desperate and unemployed persons who can no longer afford to buy packaged hot dogs are harvesting the ingredients to make their own.
Look below for more mutilation!
...G.O.P. Party Chairman DickWad Hams has been stealing bovine organs to prepare a magic elixir he uses to rejuvenate the state Republican brain trust.
...The ranchers who notified the authorities about the mutilations are actually in the midst of negotiating a reality-TV program development deal.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Denver, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.