"Boys Will Be Wetboys," Jared Jacang Maher, May 1
The funny thing about a boy with a skateboard is that you can do what you will with it. If it makes you get some rad trick that no one has done, you would be satisfied — but when you think you're the first douche to do a layback grind on some fuckin' obstacle, you should at least think of Bill Danforth, "Yarrr" or some total jackass before you.
Some dumb skateboard gang, exploiting some fun shit, is about the lamest interpretation of skate life. These kids are so young they never knew what skating was like without ESPN or MTV, let alone a plethora of parks to practice tricks without having to avoid a security guard who would clothesline your ass off a ledge. Well, here is the news: There were folks like you all over the world doing dumb things long before you did dumb things (gator in the '80s, the whole Alva team into the '90s). Not gay? Tell yourself that the next time you're kissing a dude or giving an honorary wetboy membership to some Westword author.
There is way more skateboard history in this town than some MTV promo for some drug-addict skate kids. Yeah, you can get some pussy and whatnot, but if you survive your addiction and make a useful person of yourself, MTV won't have an interest in you. Take it from a skateboard misfit from ten years before you: We are all jackasses and this is just a lifestyle, not a gang or a popularity contest. But your pure faggotry gets a Westword honorable mention.
"Rah Rah Riot," Michael Roberts, May 1
Read the Rush Limbaugh column while sitting in my car. Turned on 850 AM just in time to hear Limbaugh saying "all you activist groups should be in Denver in August, bring everyone." He also said a host of things that seemed wildly inciteful in the three to four minutes I was listening. It really feels like Limbaugh is yelling "fire" in our movie theater of Denver.
Name withheld on request
Lefties really need to make up their hive mind. Is Rush Limbaugh an inconsequential nattering nabob, or is he the right's Camera stellata (a little Latin lingo for those of you in Rio Linda) kingmaker? Is he so influential that a dozen inappropriate words are able to stir lefties to murderous riot months down the road, or is he the fat, drug-addled, dismissible fool lefties have been saying he is all these years? You can't have your venti non-fat soy latte with extra non-fat soy milk foam and cinna sprinkles and drink it, too.
While all conservatives get their daily marching orders from Limbaugh, who knew the guy had the same kinda juice over to the left? El Rushbo utters a few syllables, and his radical left minions are all goose-stepping their way down Auraria Parkway to a Denver Kristallnacht (a little Deutsche lingo for those of you in Rio Linda).
The (more) lunatic lefties who'll be here in August have been saying for a year that they intend to "re-create '68," meaning the riots surrounding the 1968 Democratic (national socialist) convention in Chicago. Yet no hard-hitting investigative reportage on these plans and the lefties behind them? Why don't a couple or three of you ink-stained wretches get out there and Woodward that bitch? Even Denver's largest "alternative" weekly finds such things as sexually confused skater boy-men and, oh, yeah, radio yakkers in Florida "exhorting" riot here in Denver more pressing.
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Letters to the Editor, May 1
As far as I know, "snark" is a shortened version of "snide remark." Am I the only one who has noticed the proliferation of Orwell's doublespeak in the past few years?