Matthew Headley, Schmuck of the Week, robs bank wearing pajama pants
Matthew Headley in action. More photos below.
For obvious reasons, albeit totally unfair ones, residents of Colorado border states such as Kansas increasingly view folks from here as slackers -- and Matthew Headley isn't helping.
Headley, who's from Canon City, has now been sentenced for sticking up a Kansas bank while clad in pajama pants, as if he'd just rolled out of bed and thought, "Got nothin' better to do today. Maybe I'll rob somebody...."
Last September, according to the Journal-World newspaper, a man entered the U.S. Bank at 1807 W. 23rd Street in Lawrence, Kansas, and presented the teller with a note demanding cash -- and as this larger version of the surveillance image seen at the top of the post reveals, he wasn't exactly dressed to impress:
The bank's employees were sufficiently professional to take the crime seriously despite Headley's PJ drawers. They handed over an undisclosed amount of moolah and Headley fled on foot.
Colorado Rockies vs. San Francisco Giants
TicketsMon., Sep. 4, 1:10pm
Colorado Rockies vs. San Diego Padres
TicketsFri., Sep. 15, 6:40pm
Colorado Rockies vs. Miami Marlins
TicketsMon., Sep. 25, 6:40pm
Colorado Rockies vs. Los Angeles Dodgers
TicketsFri., Sep. 29, 6:10pm
Denver Outlaws / Major League Lacrosse All Star Game
TicketsSat., Dec. 29, 6:00pm
That afternoon, Headley was questioned by investigators due to his resemblance to the suspect. Cops didn't have enough evidence to bust him then and there, the Journal-World notes, but after collecting more evidence, he was pulled over as he motored along I-70 near Colby, heading west.
Days later, Headley made his first appearance in court, and the images captured by 6News in Lawrence are very...expressive. Maybe not so much this one....
...but definitely this one....
...and especially this one:
During the first hearing, Headley questioned the case against him, but he must have ultimately decided he had no hope of skating. He pleaded guilty to the crime and an Associated Press article on Hayspot.com reveals that he's now been sentenced to two years in federal prison.
The AP piece begins by referring to Headley as a "Colorado man," which is a bit misleading, since he lived in Lawrence before moving here. Moreover, he reportedly had previous convictions for robberies in Lawrence dating back to the '90s -- one at a liquor store, the other at a Taco John's.
Because of his most recent state of residence, however, Headley's first association is with Colorado -- and irritating Colorado stereotypes. Thanks for nothing, schmuck.
More from our Schmuck of the Week archive: "Jeremy and Jamie Ownbey in wife-swapping, punch-throwing Real Housewives of the DPD?"