Meet the Schmucks of the Year for 2016

Tyler Hamilton is among our Schmuck of the Week top ten for 2016.
Tyler Hamilton is among our Schmuck of the Week top ten for 2016.
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On Fridays, we pay tribute to a person who has achieved a level of douchebaggery that raises them above mere fools, idiots and morons to that most exalted position, Schmuck of the Week.

But not every schmuck is created equal.

Looking back on 2016, we realized that some of the folks whose crazy stories we told deserved an even higher honor — recognition as a Schmuck of the Year.

Below, see our choices for the top ten, presented in chronological order and featuring photos, excerpts and links to our original coverage. They're an absolute inspiration to those of us who want to avoid ending up in this space next year and a challenge to future honorees to go where no schmuck has gone before.

Kentucky's David Teagle Stars in the Dumbest Dukes of Hazzard Episode Ever

What if you were enjoying a beautiful Colorado day, when all of a sudden, a Dukes of Hazzard episode broke out?

That's what happened a few days back in southeastern Colorado as part of a case that involved stolen gas, a pawn shop, a high-speed chase and damaged law enforcement vehicles, allegedly courtesy of Kentucky's own David Teagle.

But there was one significant difference between "classic TV" and real life: The law enforcers weren't left fruitlessly yelling and waving their hats as a grinning Teagle disappeared.

Instead, they wound up having the laugh last — and Teagle wound up in stir....

Click to read the original post.

Zero Kazama.
Zero Kazama.
YouTube file photo

Zero Kazama, Ex-MTV Star, Allegedly Freaks Out on Manitou Springs Tourists

Being named a Schmuck of the Week is sometimes as close to fame as some of the folks featured in this space ever get.

But that's not the case for this week's honoree, Zero Kazama, a onetime MTV star who was reportedly busted after freaking out on tourists in Manitou Springs.

But his arrest wasn't for apparently terrifying crazy talk. Instead, he was fitted with cuffs because of a car crash thought to have been fueled by intoxicants....

Click to read the original post.

Tyler Hamilton.
Tyler Hamilton.
Facebook

Tyler Hamilton, School Security Guard, Impregnates 16-Year-Old With 7th Child

When Tyler Hamilton worked as a security guard at Coronado High School in Colorado Springs, he reportedly answered to the nickname "Tiny."

But there's nothing tiny about his schmuckiness. It's absolutely king-sized — which is why he's the ideal pick as our latest Schmuck of the Week.

Hamilton, 28, has now pleaded guilty regarding his sexual relationship with a sixteen-year-old girl whom he wound up impregnating.

With his seventh child....

Click to read the original post.

Rachel Einspahr.
Rachel Einspahr.
Weld County Sheriff's Office

Babysitter Rachel Einspahr Robs Bank With Kids in Car to Pay Off Previous Crime

One thing we've learned about schmucks over the course of filling our Schmuck of the Week archive is that the deeper we dig, the more schmuckiness we're likely to find.

Take Rachel Einspahr.

The grabbiest aspect of the crime for which she was arrested? She allegedly robbed a bank from the comfort of her car, with two kids she was babysitting inside the vehicle at the time.

But there's plenty of additional schmuckiness in Einspahr's arrest affidavit (on view below), beginning with her explanation for why she committed the crime: to pay off a restitution deal in a previous theft....

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Meet the Schmucks of the Year for 2016
File photo

Meet Joe Lynch, Airline Passenger From Hell: Forced Kiss, Rants, Pot Farm Pic

We recently shared with you a video of a Frontier passenger's freakout on a flight originating in Denver.

The woman, who was overheard saying she hadn't slept in three days and had taken some pills given to her by a friend, threw herself on the floor in front of the cockpit and began screaming and kicking — after which she stripped naked.

To our knowledge, there's no such video of Joseph Wayne Lynch's escapades while traveling to Denver last summer, and that's too bad, because his actions — including kissing an unwilling flight attendant, a series of drunken rants and more — were certainly memorable.

Indeed, they were memorable enough to earn Lynch a stint in federal prison, not to mention our latest Schmuck of the Week salute....

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Continue to meet five more Schmucks of the Year.



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