Tyler Hamilton is among our Schmuck of the Week top ten for 2016.
Tyler Hamilton is among our Schmuck of the Week top ten for 2016.
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Meet the Schmucks of the Year for 2016

On Fridays, we pay tribute to a person who has achieved a level of douchebaggery that raises them above mere fools, idiots and morons to that most exalted position, Schmuck of the Week.

But not every schmuck is created equal.

Looking back on 2016, we realized that some of the folks whose crazy stories we told deserved an even higher honor — recognition as a Schmuck of the Year.

Below, see our choices for the top ten, presented in chronological order and featuring photos, excerpts and links to our original coverage. They're an absolute inspiration to those of us who want to avoid ending up in this space next year and a challenge to future honorees to go where no schmuck has gone before.

Kentucky's David Teagle Stars in the Dumbest Dukes of Hazzard Episode Ever

What if you were enjoying a beautiful Colorado day, when all of a sudden, a Dukes of Hazzard episode broke out?

That's what happened a few days back in southeastern Colorado as part of a case that involved stolen gas, a pawn shop, a high-speed chase and damaged law enforcement vehicles, allegedly courtesy of Kentucky's own David Teagle.

But there was one significant difference between "classic TV" and real life: The law enforcers weren't left fruitlessly yelling and waving their hats as a grinning Teagle disappeared.

Instead, they wound up having the laugh last — and Teagle wound up in stir....

Click to read the original post.

Zero Kazama.
Zero Kazama.
YouTube file photo

Zero Kazama, Ex-MTV Star, Allegedly Freaks Out on Manitou Springs Tourists

Being named a Schmuck of the Week is sometimes as close to fame as some of the folks featured in this space ever get.

But that's not the case for this week's honoree, Zero Kazama, a onetime MTV star who was reportedly busted after freaking out on tourists in Manitou Springs.

But his arrest wasn't for apparently terrifying crazy talk. Instead, he was fitted with cuffs because of a car crash thought to have been fueled by intoxicants....

Click to read the original post.

Tyler Hamilton.
Tyler Hamilton.
Facebook

Tyler Hamilton, School Security Guard, Impregnates 16-Year-Old With 7th Child

When Tyler Hamilton worked as a security guard at Coronado High School in Colorado Springs, he reportedly answered to the nickname "Tiny."

But there's nothing tiny about his schmuckiness. It's absolutely king-sized — which is why he's the ideal pick as our latest Schmuck of the Week.

Hamilton, 28, has now pleaded guilty regarding his sexual relationship with a sixteen-year-old girl whom he wound up impregnating.

With his seventh child....

Click to read the original post.

Rachel Einspahr.
Rachel Einspahr.
Weld County Sheriff's Office

Babysitter Rachel Einspahr Robs Bank With Kids in Car to Pay Off Previous Crime

One thing we've learned about schmucks over the course of filling our Schmuck of the Week archive is that the deeper we dig, the more schmuckiness we're likely to find.

Take Rachel Einspahr.

The grabbiest aspect of the crime for which she was arrested? She allegedly robbed a bank from the comfort of her car, with two kids she was babysitting inside the vehicle at the time.

But there's plenty of additional schmuckiness in Einspahr's arrest affidavit (on view below), beginning with her explanation for why she committed the crime: to pay off a restitution deal in a previous theft....

Click to read the original post.

Meet the Schmucks of the Year for 2016
File photo

Meet Joe Lynch, Airline Passenger From Hell: Forced Kiss, Rants, Pot Farm Pic

We recently shared with you a video of a Frontier passenger's freakout on a flight originating in Denver.

The woman, who was overheard saying she hadn't slept in three days and had taken some pills given to her by a friend, threw herself on the floor in front of the cockpit and began screaming and kicking — after which she stripped naked.

To our knowledge, there's no such video of Joseph Wayne Lynch's escapades while traveling to Denver last summer, and that's too bad, because his actions — including kissing an unwilling flight attendant, a series of drunken rants and more — were certainly memorable.

Indeed, they were memorable enough to earn Lynch a stint in federal prison, not to mention our latest Schmuck of the Week salute....

Click to read the original post.

Continue to meet five more Schmucks of the Year.

Jared Howard.
Jared Howard.
Facebook

Jared Howard Allegedly Lures Texas Pals to Colorado for Pot Trafficking Bust

There are an infinite number of ways that a person can become a Schmuck of the Week.

And Jared Howard appears to have found a new twist on an old favorite: squealing.

The 23-year-old Texas college student was caught with a car full of marijuana while in Colorado — after which he seems to have gone many extra miles to make sure two fellow students from the Lone Star State shared his fate.

How so? After his arrest, Howard reportedly convinced Rafael Villegas-Perez, 20, and Stephen Martin-Emge, 23, to come to Colorado to help him move the weed — at which point they were busted, too.

Click to read the original post.

Mitchell McCall.
Mitchell McCall.
Facebook

Meet Mitchell McCall: Model, Christian Rapper, Sex Offender

Model. Christian rapper. Sex offender.

Yes, Denver's Mitchell McCall is all three, after reportedly being caught upskirting — shooting videos up women's skirts — in three area malls, then taking a plea deal that calls for sex-offender registration.

As a result, we add a fourth descriptive term: Schmuck of the Week....

Click to read the original post.

James Hogue, center, during his time as a fake teen.
James Hogue, center, during his time as a fake teen.
YouTube file photo

Meet Ex-Fake Teen (and Fake Everything) James Hogue, Busted in Colorado Again

Here at Schmuck of the Week headquarters, we firmly believe that if you're going to be a schmuck, you should be the biggest schmuck possible.

On that score, James Hogue has definitely succeeded.

Among the most notorious criminal impersonators ever in Colorado (and arguably modern U.S. history), Hogue has been the subject of a major New Yorker article that writer David Samuels expanded into a book — The Runner, published in 2008 — and a documentary simply titled Con Man.

But none of that notoriety has paid off for Hogue, whom we featured in our 2008 slideshow "Catch ’Em If You Can," a rogue's gallery of con men inspired by the bizarre tale of Amadeus Harlan. Yesterday, he was arrested at the Pitkin County Library, a facility to which he'd wandered after being ousted from an illegal cabin on Shadow Mountain, where he may have been living for two-plus years....

Click to read the original post.

Jacob Magee.
Jacob Magee.
Denver District Attorney's Office

How Jacob Magee Was Busted for Being Biggest Douchebag at a Broncos Game

At every Broncos game, there are thousands of great people — and a few douchebags.

But judging by an arrest affidavit shared below, Jacob Magee was the douchebaggiest of the lot (and our latest Schmuck of the Week nominee), thanks to his decision to use a free ticket to Mile High Stadium as an excuse to take photos up an unsuspecting woman's skirt.

The police report offers some intriguing information about how investigators pinned him down — including tracing the ticket to the person who'd unwisely invited Magee to tag along.

Moreover, the speed with which the incident was featured by Metro Denver Crime Stoppers serves as a warning to potential future Schmucks that getting pervy at a Broncos game is a good way to guarantee that the hammer will come down fast.

Click to read the original post.

Carlos Quijada, right, and a companion ready for a romp in a tenant's room.
Carlos Quijada, right, and a companion ready for a romp in a tenant's room.
KKTV file photo

Landlord From Hell Wanted for After-Sex Cleanup With Tenant's Wedding Dress

Think you've got the worst landlord ever? After hearing about the accusations against Carlos Quijada (which are backed up by surveillance footage), you may reconsider.

Quijada, who oversees Skyway Condominiums in Colorado Springs, is accused of having sex in an apartment shared by male and female tenants and then using the woman's wedding dress to clean up afterward.

That, friends, is Schmuck of the Week territory....

Click to read the original post.

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