Meet the staff of the Constitutional Reporter

Face the State, a conservative online news source, recently introduced its readers to The Constitutional Reporter, a right-wing, student-run newspaper that's available on the Auraria campus. According to the FTS item, the Reporter's first edition appeared earlier this month, and a thirteen-person staff is working on issue number three, set for March distribution. But apparently the idea of putting some of this content on the paper's website never occurred to them. Presently, no articles, blogs or self-described "extras" are available. Indeed, the main online content is a mission statement declaring the Reporter to be "the sexiest newspaper since the Rocky Mountain News" -- which is sort of like boasting about being the world's tallest Oompah-Loompah. (Then again, the Rocky did run an apres-ski fashion spread in January that showed scantily clad bimbettes chillin' by a hot tub... ) Fortunately, there's also an entertaining staff section featuring the attached shot of managing editor Sean Doherty, who apparently "can't stand the sight of any natural environment and despises all cute mammals." That's followed by introductions to staff writer Bryson "The Intransigent" Jones," who "aspires to break through the social barriers of feminine chauvinism and, for a change, would like to be respected for his ideas, too," and fellow scribe Kirk Barbera, a fan of "truth, justice, freedom and long walks on the beach... With his girlfriend."

This last line suggests that Barbera either isn't gay, or is and is desperate to cover it up. Either way, it's pretty damn sexy.

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