So you're on the run, and have been for years. But you haven't gotten caught because you've been smart, you've been cautious and you haven't done anything that would attract the attention of the law.
Except for that one time -- when you really, really had to drain your lizard.
That, in a nut sack -- er, nutshell -- is what led to the arrest of Miguel Sanchez, 59. And because he couldn't hold it any longer, he'll be facing a murder charge.
At around 10:15 a.m. on Wednesday, according to the Colorado Springs Police blotter, officers were called to the 3200 block of South Academy due to a report of a man urinating on the outside of a business.
Yes, we're talking mid-morning. Broad daylight, apparently in plain view.
Either the cops made uncommonly good time or Sanchez had an extraordinarily full bladder, because he was still on the scene when the law arrived, albeit inside a vehicle parked nearby.
While being quizzed, Sanchez allegedly provided a false ID. But the officers decided to run his fingerprints, and they scored a hit. Turns out Sanchez was wanted in Los Angeles on a thirteen-year-old murder case. The value of the bond on his head? A hefty $2 million.
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At that point, Sanchez was promptly booked, and the Colorado Springs Gazette reports that the L.A. authorities plan to extradite him to face the old charge.
Quite a score for the responding officers -- and they added a couple more points to their tally sheet shortly thereafter. The CSPD blotter notes that during a followup visit to the original location, they found two guys trying to rip off the car where Sanchez had been sitting. (It wasn't his, just a loaner.) The steering column was damaged and the stereo had already been removed -- hence the arrest of Eric Satterfield on suspicion of second-degree attempted motor vehicle theft and Timothy Stubblefield on a first-degree criminal trespass beef.
That's a schmuck trifecta!
More from our Schmuck of the Week archive: "Daniel Barkus's schmucky stalking bust -- and link to reality TV prospector Amanda Adkins."