The final votes have been cast, long hours have been logged tallying numbers, computer glitches have been carefully covered up, and we now have the results of our all-important MyRace gubernatorial election.
As you may recall, in our original piece , we promised that whichever candidate garnered the most "friend requests" on his or her "Westword-sponsored" Myspace page by November 1 would take the online crown.
And the winner is... Libertarian Candidate Dawn Winkler! That's right, after Bill Ritter's early lead in friend requests, Ms. "vaccinate the government" Winkler (pictured) pulled ahead last week to end the race with nineteen new liberty-loving friends. What with all that stocking of their desert compounds with firearms, who knew Libertarians had enough time ito screw around on Myspace?
Amazingly, some visitors to the candidates' Myspace pages appeared to believe they were corresponding with the actual candidates. Pablo, a 51-year-old Cortez resident, wrote this sincere message to our imaginary Winkler:
I find your profile most interesting! Tell me more about your viewpoints, and why I should vote for you! Can you explain why the vaccination program should be eliminated? Just curious...
Independent candidate Paul "Dancin' Fruitcake" Fiorino must be given a special nod for apparently being the only candidate to attempt to actually get in on the MyRace action. On November 3, a poster who identified himself as "Paul Noel Fiorino" posted the following message on the Westword blog:
Thanks for giving us equal time,space,face in a race with pace,spicing up this pathetic,apathetic,sympathetic,wreck of political process to get the voters to vote or not, but you gave it your best shot, just as we all did, this round anyhow.
We figure it's either Fiorino or Eminem.
While Winkler may have successfully rallied the guns-and-ammo crowd, runner-up Ritter stole the hearts of the Myspace demographic. Just check out this message from Meko of Denver titled "Hi there," in which the lovely 23-year-old proffered some fashion advice:
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The next time you have a public function, you should where dark blue jean pants and dark brown shirt. The shirt shouldn't be tucked in. But then again, if the function calls for you to be dressed up, you should where black slacks and a dark blue dress shirt, or a black suit with a dark blue dress shirt. I just think a guy looks real nice in black pants and a dark blue shirt.
She then tactfully posed a personal question:
So, have you ever dated a black girl before? Not that I'm asking 'cause I got a man. haha I was just try'n to figure out your character.
In the world of MyRace elections, character is what counts. -- Joel Warner