It's scary enough that Broncos training camp began last week, marking the start of that slow slide to summer's end...and the disintegration of our next Super Bowl dream. Even scarier, though, is the new crew cheering for the team: the Broncos Couch Potatoes, "the most adorable spec-Taters around," dolls that come with their own "miniature Broncos pennant, football, foam finger, blanket...even a couch!" See also: An illustrated guide to Denver Broncos fans
The five-inch-high dolls (three and a half inches seated) were created by master artist Sherry Rawn and "are amazingly lifelike, from their irresistible chubby cheeks to their perfectly sculpted little fingers and toes!" promises the ad. "Best of all, they're dressed just like Broncos fans their age would be." Sans diapers, of course.
The dolls are each $39.98 (or two handy payments of $19.99) from the Ashton-Drake Galleries, an affiliate of the Bradford Exchange, which has been an official NFL licensee for years. Although you can only buy the dolls from Ashton-Drake, the NFL sales department is very familiar with them and says the Broncos Couch Potatoes have proved popular -- if a little creepy.
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Fair warning: Ashton-Drake won't ship your custom couch and Broncos blanket until after your first two little spuds have been paid for and delivered. But you can also buy solo fans, including a Tailgatin' Tot.
Sadly, unlike other baby dolls sold by Ashton-Drake, which you can warm up in the oven so they feel more real when you cuddle with them, these couch potatoes are standard room temperature. As is the IQ of anyone who buys them. Have a tip? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.