Noe Coronado and Jose Esparza's schmucky idea: Selling cocaine from a vacuum bag
Back in the bad old days, when snorting cocaine was seen as a symbol of sophistication and cool, as opposed to indicating throwback sleaziness, the act of getting a line from that powdery, scratched up mirror to your nostril was often described as "Hoovering" -- as in, "Did you see Chad Hoovering up all that blow right after the chick he's been hitting on all night kicked him in the balls?" Apparently, Noe Coronado and Jose Esparza remembered -- because they're accused of selling coke out of a vacuum bag.
Coronado's reportedly from Aurora, while Esparza calls Denver home -- or at least he did, until being tossed in the Eagle County hoosgow.
According to the local sheriff's office, the Eagle County Drug Task Force arranged a meet with the pair in the parking lot of a restaurant in town. And shortly after Coronado and Esparza arrived, a drug-sniffing K-9's snout started to get a little twitchy.
No wonder: The dog soon led his human cohorts to the men's truck, where officers found approximately four ounces of cocaine -- estimated street value: $4,000 -- in the vehicle's bed.
That the stuff was contained in a vacuum-cleaner bag only made the moment more memorable.
Coronado and Esparza were promptly busted on suspicion of cocaine possession and distribution, both felonies, and fitted with $50,000 bonds.
As a bonus, law enforcers learned that Esparza has a hold on him courtesy of Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Seems he came to the states from Mexico without the benefit of legal paperwork.
Folks with information about the pair are encouraged to phone the Eagle County Sheriff's Office at 970-328-8500 or Eagle County Crime Stoppers at 970-328-7007. In the meantime, the pair are no doubt thinking that the whole hide-coke-in-a-vacuum-bag idea really sucked.
Here's a look at their booking photos.
More from our Schmuck of the Week archive: "Keaton Bell's schmucky decision: He stole guns from a SWAT team member."
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.
- Aurora Theater Shooting Jury: Death Penalty Still on the Table
- Fredy Castilla and Pals Allegedly Drove From Nebraska to CO for Violent Pot Heist
- Reader: Real Coloradans Don't Use the N-Word