Mail call! In case you belong to one of the three households in Denver that did not receive a "Newt Gingrich Stole Christmas" card from Representative Pat Schroeder, it's another cutout classic from our favorite congressional cutup. The reverse side updates recipients on the doings of the X-Generation Schroeders and Schroeder dog Wolfie, and ends with this note from Madame Defarge herself: "I'm thinking of forming the `Pat Schroeder Sewing and Terrorist Society' for next session. A wonderful holiday!'"

And many happy returns to the House--so long as advocates of term limits don't get their hands on this particularly inexplicable piece.

The 18,000 folks in Clarksburg, West Virginia, are in for some surprises in the new year--365 of them, to be exact. Former Denverite JT Colfax, whose puckish public art made headlines in New York City this fall, says that "Dear Clarksburg" will be his big project for 1995. Each day of the year, he plans to write a letter to "some unsuspecting resident" of the town--which he's never even visited. "I'm gonna tell them everything that happens to me in 1995 whether they want to hear it or not...and they won't," he explains. "I'll be getting the addresses out of the phone book and will be sending letters to residences and businesses. I just love to picture them sitting around at Floyd's barber shop on Main Street reading these letters. This way, I finally get to be the town freak without getting run out of town!"

The Clarksburg post office was too deluged with holiday mail to comment on the honor of having inspired Colfax's next artistic endeavor.

Appearing now in a mailbox nearer you: The December edition of Common Ground: An Update on the Webb Administration. "I grew up in this city," says Mayor Wellington Webb in an overview of his years in office. "I've seen the changes, the cycles of boom and bust. My history in this city and my sense of stewardship has led me to take the long view."

Which could be why Webb's list of accomplishments, largely a repeat of those touted during his July "State of the City" address (the plan to reduce crime, the financial turnaround at DGH, the boom downtown, the "flawless management" of the Pope's visit--which conveniently overlooks kids dropping like flies on their way to Cherry Creek), has been expanded to embrace the new airport. Although DIA was mostly MIA in this summer's speech, Webb now calls it "one of the most challenging and complicated issues to face our community in years." For example, there was the "time-consuming" task of awarding airport concessions: "Each and every one of these people--contrary to some opinions--competed space-by-space for a spot at DIA." And lest some opinionated grinches complain about the money wasted on Common Ground, the missive from Webb for Mayor Inc. carefully points out that it was "not produced at taxpayer expense."

Of course, Webb says the same thing about DIA.

Lost in space: The Denver Post has added a weekly column by Howard Rheingold, executive editor of Hot Wired, the new on-line magazine. But if the Post really wanted to explore "the world of computers--cyberspace, as it were," it wouldn't encourage readers to "tell us what you think" by writing to the paper.

Yo, dudes! Ever hear of e-mail?


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