I'm AK-47, you're AK-47: Reporters and public servants who've been unwillingly drawn into the web of Denver's most noted conspiracy theorist got quite a bang out of last Sunday's Denver Post, with its front-page story on the "radical right." Listed as one of the top "players" was Stewart Webb, former Westword cover boy, current head of Guardians of American Liberty Inc., and master conjurer of conspiracies, most of which spin around his former father-in-law, a Denver developer, but also snag such notables as the 135 members of Congress who Webb claims are known child molesters.

And Webb was in fine form again Thursday, when he somehow got through to KOA's Mike Rosen, broadcasting live from conservative-talk-show camp at the Capitol in D.C. He was being "pounded in the press," Webb told Rosen, then plunged into an on-air rant about how he had 154 CIA and FBI agents ready to testify before a federal grand jury with enough information to "send President Bush to prison"--where, presumably, he'll wind up rubbing elbows with Webb's former father-in-law, if Webb has his way. After trying in vain to learn what Webb's alleged point had to do with the show's topic--the new Congress--Rosen and company dumped the call.

Webb's frequent resurfacings made the headline for part two of the Post series, "Secrecy the key to militias," particularly ludicrous. So did the appearance of Daniel King as another militia "player." King is hardly shy about calling attention to himself--a few days before the Post pieces, he'd suggested to reporters that Denver prosecutor Craig Silverman had threatened him with arrest for linking the controversial DA to Saddam Hussein (which Silverman denies)--and he was again burning up the phone lines last week, insisting he'd never been arrested by federal agents for possession of a rocket launcher. And after a barrage of calls and copies (including a picture of King with the alleged launcher), the Post surrendered and ran a correction Thursday.

For the record, although King says he told Representative David Skaggs that Skaggs was a "treasonous criminal"--as, he adds, are "Patty Schroeder and Senator Ben Nightmare Campbell"--he never threatened the congressman with being "forcibly removed by patriots."

Just with being talked to death.

Handle with care: So far, the new airport has ruined more careers than it's made, but a classified ad in the January 25 Rocky Mountain News could change all that. "Test administrator," it read. "Immediate opportunity for individual to test and analyze baggage handling system at the new Denver International Airport. Entry level position requires analytical ability, high energy level, self-starter, and operations research capabilities. Reports to Test Manager. Duties included, but not limited to, preparing test scripts, collating and checking test data, preparing spreadsheet analysis and communication results.

"Must have proven background in statistical analysis and minimum one year concentrated experience preparing spreadsheets...Qualified candidates may forward resume to BAE Automated Systems, Inc."

Ahem. Isn't it a bit late for this sort of thing?

Air to the throne: DIA was, of course, the brainchild of current Secretary of Transportation Federico Pena, the Clinton cabinet member designated to sit out last week's State of the Union address. (The tradition evolved so that, should the Capitol explode, someone would be able to carry on--which is apparently what you should do at Pena's airport.)


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