Off Limits

G-string: This week's Denver Summit of the Eight has inspired a global village of cottage industries hoping to bask in the reflected glow of the 50-watt klieg lights. On the commercial side, there's the Faux Show opening Friday at the Art & Artists Gallery, with "repainted great masterworks" from France, the United States, Russia, the United Kingdom, Italy, Canada, Japan and Germany. The exhibit promises to be even better than a display of real Van Goghs or Picassos, because these paintings are "affordable." Or let your conscience be your guide to lectures and political protests by women's groups, Jewish groups, space lawyers, Iranians, hemp growers (with state Senator Lloyd Casey giving a toke--er, talk) and, of course, The Peoples Summit.

With so many organizations and issues clamoring for attention, smaller groups are likely to find themselves in a familiar situation: ignored. To help you plan a G-whiz weekend, Westword has compiled a handy quiz. Eight of the following are actual events this weekend; eight are fakes (answers below).

And no fair cheating off of your most-favored neighbor.
A. Baby Seal Protest at New Aquarium Site
B. Tribunal on Indigenous Peoples
C. Workshop: Herbs in a Global Economy
D. Haikus That Teach Children Peace
E. Workshop: Alternatives to Neoliberalism
F.. Workshop: Bull (Crap) Market
G. Funny Business, the Lighter Side of the IMF
H. Workshop: Biopiracy
I. Concentration Camp Protest at McDonald's
J. Slide show: Tie-dyed T-shirts on Five Continents
K. Workshop: Commodifying Youth Crime
L. The Art of Resistance: Music, Poetry
M. Workshop: Idealized Materialists
N. Sweatshop Shut-down Demonstration
O. Film screening: Sex, Lies, and Global Economics
P. Workshop: De-imperializing Your Bathroom

Meanwhile, official Summit planners could use a crash course in those Western traditions--howling coyotes, barroom brawls, fried bull's balls, et al.--that are supposed to delight our international visitors. When Colorado Ski Country dropped off bolo ties for the goodie bags being prepared for visiting journalists, a Summit staffer asked what the hell they were, then explained she'd only moved west of the Mississippi three weeks earlier.

Don't forget to tie one on this weekend.

Gag reflex: With the sentencing of Tim McVeigh, Judge Richard Matsch's gag order was lifted--and how. Defense attorney Stephen Jones pulled off a trifecta Monday morning, yakking on all three networks; despite Matsch's attempts to keep their identities secret, all twelve jurors willingly faced Dateline's cameras for a Sunday night segment. It's a good thing privacy-loving jury candidate #31, billionaire Phil Anschutz, didn't make the final cut.

And speaking of final cuts, while McVeigh is looking at years of appeals before he is put to death--the feds haven't executed anyone since 1963, although the appeals process was recently streamlined--Colorado's gearing up for an execution this fall. The last man killed by the state was Denverite Luis Monge, whose crime--he killed his wife and several children--was as horrifically intimate as McVeigh's was terrifyingly impersonal; Monge died in the gas chamber in June 1967.

Now Gary Davis, sentenced to death in 1986 for the murder of housewife Virginia May, has exhausted his appeals and is scheduled to die by lethal injection in late October. In anticipation of that event, the Colorado Department of Corrections is working on its guest list. Only fifteen people--including DOC officials--are allowed to witness the actual execution; five of those spots are reserved for media organizations. In Davis's case, that means the Denver Post, KUSA-TV, KOA, the AP and the Canon City Daily Record. According to DOC spokeswoman Liz McDonough, those slots have been set since 1990, when Davis temporarily suspended his appeals process. Applications are still being taken for space outside the death chamber, though.

Smart thinking: Developer Fred Kummer has finally killed his Adam's Rib ski resort. "I got tired of dealing with government," he told a Rocky Mountain News reporter. "It's an impossible organization to do business with." Hmmm, perhaps a local governmental entity--specifically, the Denver Urban Renewal Authority--should ask Kummer to return that $25 million subsidy that helped buy the demolition of I.M. Pei's hyperbolic paraboloid and the installation of half a dozen giant ballerinas--allegedly art--outside his Adam's Mark Hotel in Denver.

Our quiz answers: The real events are


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