Off Limits

Essential seating: Now that Denver Post editor Dennis Britton is back from his bus tour of the state, the out-of-focus "Snapshot of Colorado," he's got a clear picture of priorities. Britton recently issued a micro-managing memo (shown above) detailing a suggested seating plan for the paper's daily page-one meetings but also urging the memo's recipients not to "waste time being Kremlinologists on this. There are no hidden meanings."

Beyond this: Better read than dead.

If you can't stand the heat: The Rocky Mountain News has started cracking down on those pesky corrections, Readers' Representative Jean Otto announced in her column last Sunday. Not only is the paper's new Accuracy Policy designed to ferret out the culprit responsible for letting a mistake get into print, but "it is also meant to encourage teamwork and refine procedures so that errors are caught before publication." The program is modeled after a convoluted system introduced at the Chicago Tribune that not only charts exactly how mistakes were made, but also ties certain editors' bonuses to reducing the number of corrections required.

After the problem of ink rubbing off on your hands, the News's blunders are the primary fodder for Otto's column. But still, the new Accuracy Policy is unlikely to stop such colossal miscues as the April 10 headline that appeared during one of the most sacred Jewish holidays: "Rabbi sees Passover spirit in oven."

They thrilled Kenny! Comedy Central has announced that it's not licensing any merchandise honoring those adorable little potty-mouths from Conifer who created the hit South Park. But if you're looking for memorabilia commemorating the characters dreamed up by local-boys-made-bad Trey Parker and Matt Stone, you don't have to look far: An Elitch Gardens ring-toss game now offers a stuffed South Park character as the prize. Just toss that little hoop over the wooden milk bottle--hey, it's easier than stopping mistakes at the News--and you could be taking Cartman home with you.

It's his party and he'll lie if he wants to: "What a long strange trip it has been" is the official subject of an e-mail recently (and allegedly) issued by outgoing Boulder police chief Tom Koby. The memo announces that on June 18, Koby will be hosting his own goodbye party at Boulder's West End Tavern. After quoting not just the Grateful Dead but Phil Collins, the memo adds, "Feel free to extend this invitation to anyone outside the city who might not get this e-mail but who I might have encouraged, discouraged, pleased or abused over the last seven years. The only requirement is that they like to drink beer while enjoying the humor in all that we tend to make so serious in our lives."

Not quite. The e-mail does mention a few requirements that give it a certain air of authenticity. For starters, "media types" are excluded. And "oh, by the way, it is a cash bar--hey, what do you expect, I am working my way toward being unemployed."

And, oh, by the way, as of next week JonBenet Ramsey will have been dead for eighteen months.


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