Off Limits

Taking their cue from police departments that solicit help from TV shows such as America's Most Wanted to track down the most elusive of criminals and clues, the folks at the Colorado Department of Unclaimed Funds, part of the state treasurer's office, recently gave out info on their toughest -- and largest -- case ever in the hope that someone, anyone, will recognize the name MacKinnie Oil and Drilling Company. Why is Treasurer Mike Coffman so anxious about the MIA MacKinnie? There are 2.2 million reasons, says Patty White, program director for the Great Colorado Payback, which reunites people with forgotten accounts and safe deposit boxes. "It's a lot of money, and it's kind of scary to have it sitting out there. We've tried several other ways to locate someone [from the company], and we've never been successful." The Colorado case aired November 10 on Fox's new series, Million Dollar Mysteries, and White expects to be deluged with calls from people trying to get their hands on the $2.2 million stash. "We asked if we really wanted to get involved in this, and we decided we had to take the chance," she says. "You have to generate attention sometimes to flush out the owners."

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Money talks dirty: Here's real million-dollar mystery: Who would pay $15,000 to have Denver Bronco big names Ed McCaffrey and Bill Romanowski show up at a birthday party? The answer: no one. Why pay fifteen large when you could instead shell out sixty grand to have the star twosome turn out at four separate celebrations? The high roller who won the bidding was just one of many who attended the November 11 Broncos Ball 2000 at Wings Over the Rockies Air and Space Museum. And although the goal of the charity event, run by the Broncos' wives, was to help feed the poor and hungry, no one attending this soiree fit either description. Even the people sitting in the "cheap seats" (budget tables went for a mere $5,000) were treated to luscious lamb chops, first-rate pumpkin pie, a grotesque but pricey Broncos candle and the opportunity to bid on expensive auction novelties such as a 52-inch mink coat (it went for a mere $18,000 to the wife of Broncos center Tom Nalen). Absolutely priceless, though, was the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to hear head coach Mike Shanahan utter into the microphone a word that's usually reserved for the locker room. In his introduction of Dennis Miller, who along with Monday Night Football cohort Al Michaels was in town for Monday's match between the Broncos and the Oakland Raiders, Shanahan noted how impressed he was that the famously profane Miller hadn't yet befouled a broadcast with "any F-words, or even one 'cocksucker.'" Miller then took the stage and declared Shanahan to be a "marvelous cocksucker."

Good thing the Broncos won, or Miller wouldn't be the only one calling Shanahan names.