Philip Brown's schmucky idea of a break-in target -- a sheriff's substation
So...you're homeless and you're looking for shelter. What's the absolute last place you should bust into in your quest for a roof over your head?
If your answer is a sheriff's substation, your in little danger of repeating the schmucky mistake made by Philip Brown.
According to the Arapahoe County Sheriff's Office, two deputies arrived at the 9200 East Iliff Avenue substation at around 12:45 a.m. on January 26 to discover part of the front door's glass had been broken.
They then looked inside a window and noticed a man later identified as Brown, 41, walking around inside. Moreover, he'd added a new item to his clothing ensemble -- a ballistic shield, which he held up to his chest.
Something else worrisome: Brown meandered near the gun safe and apparently was trying to open it.
At that point, the deputies tried to get into the substation, but they discovered the front door had been blocked from the inside. So other personnel were called, and as they set up a perimeter around the building, members of the team ordered Brown to exit.
No go -- so the deputies phoned, and Brown answered with the official sounding statement, "Arapahoe County Sheriff's Office." But he didn't respond to a request to leave using that method of communication, either.
About ten minutes later, he apparently changed his mind. But after he stepped through the front door, the ACSO said he didn't comply with directions, prompting the deputies to set a law-enforcement canine on him.
The result? Brown was taken into custody and then transported to a hospital for treatment of a dog bite to his arm, which only added to his discomfort. On top of not having a place to stay, he told deputies he was suffering from the flu.
As a bonus, authorities say he appeared to be drunk. Really. We're not making this up.
Brown's got a room now, of course -- one that presumably comes complete with security bars. The charges against him include felony second-degree burglary and several misdemeanors -- among them criminal mischief and obstruction.
Granted, there's no allegation of schmuckery, not that one's needed. Look below to see a larger version of his booking photo, followed by a 7News report on the incident.
More from our Schmuck of the Week archive: "Richard Sandberg's allegedly schmucky deal: I'll trade kill-zone bombs for cocaine."
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Westword's biggest stories.