Photos: Hilariously Untrue "Facts" About Denver on Uncyclopedia, Parts 1-10

More photos below.
More photos below.

If you like learning from Drunk History, you'll be thrilled by the details about Denver offered on Uncyclopedia, which describes itself as "the Mother Ship of amateur comedy writing! (Amateur means we don't pay you to do it.)" The site's Denver page reveals fascinating information, such as that the local economy is heavily reliant on "high-tech industry, tourism, crack and selling sexually explicit magazines to Oklahomans who want to look at nasty cooters but can't buy such things at home without a permit from the governor."

There's a lot more "wisdom" where that came from. Continue to check out the photo-illustrated ten-part journey through Denver lore, featuring excerpts from Uncyclopedia text -- and to see the original item, replete with lots of additional "facts," click here.

See also: Photos: Ten Weirdest Events in Denver History on History.orb

1. Introduction

Photos: Hilariously Untrue "Facts" About Denver on Uncyclopedia, Parts 1-10

"Denver sucks ass!" ~ Randy Marsh

"Denver has some great music! No wait, that's John Denver. Holy shit, he has a state named after him?" ~ Oscar Wilde

Denver is the largest and most nuggetity state, the capital of both Mars and Colorado (which is itself a suburb of Los Angeles). Denver is known as 'The Mile High City' since its residents refuse to convert to the metric system and 'the 1.069 km city' would not be as attractive. Denver is sometimes called a "cow-town," this is because Denver has a zoo compiled solely of cows. Denver is considered a slight...moderate...extreme...very extreme enemy of Salt Lake state, Utah. Of course, everyone knows that a Denverite could kick a Salt Lake state dweller's ass any day, due to their stockpile of mind enhancing superdrugs and their super-developed lungs. As for Salt Lake, well...Mormons....

2. Economy, History & Boring Stuff, Part 1

Denver was founded in 1987 by famed cult leader and romance novelist John Denver and his husband Bob Denver. After seeing the most beautiful and unspoiled part of United States of America in a vision from Sauron, John decided to utterly destroy it by soiling the world's largest grassland with his syrupy pseudo-religious music. Thus, he collected together his hysterical followers and descended upon the land like a swarm of locusts.... Continue for more hilariously untrue facts about Denver on Uncyclopedia.



Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >