Tom Brady, who'll lead the New England Patriots against Peyton Manning and your Denver Broncos on Sunday night, is regarded by many folks as one of the most beautiful humans on the planet. But for inexplicable reasons, he frequently undermines his natural gorgeousness with hairstyles that range from the dubious to the laugh-inducing, as you'll see in our collection of Brady's top hair-don'ts. They're supplemented by a video in which he gets over an in-game freak-out just in time to make sure his locks look lovely. Count down the top ten below.
Number 10: The true Belieber
No, the shot on the right isn't a computer-aged shot of what Justin Bieber will look like when he's in his thirties. It's Tom at his most Beliebable.
Number 9: The Bro
Who says Tom's gotten too rich and famous to mix in with the bros?
Number 8: The Half-Caesar
Brady resists the urge to do the full Caesar and comb his hair straight down. Instead, he gives it just enough of an angle that he can pretend he's not emulating Julius even though he is.
Number 7: The Hairy Shearer
When Tom-boy sheared off his golden locks, a nation wept.
Number 6: The Mountain Man
Go ahead and grow that beard, Tom. But here in Colorado, we can tell the difference between a fake Mountain Man and the real thing.
Number 5: The Faux-Sideburns Flap
Yes, Tom can grow real sideburns -- but why should that stop him for adapting a hairstyle perfected by twelve-year-old boys who haven't sprouted their first whisker yet but want to pretend.
Number 4: The Tie-Back
Not quite a ponytail, but also not not quite a ponytail.
Number 3: The Slick-Back
Wonder how many hair-product manufacturers Brady's keeping in business....
Number 2: All Natural Tom
Of course, when Brady goes without product, the results can be pretty scary.
Number 1: The Pompa-Hawk
We understand that during Brady's mating ritual, his Pompa-Hawk gets even bigger.
And now, as a special bonus, here's a video of Brady bitching out teammates -- after which he makes sure his hair looks spectacular.
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Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.
More from our Tim Tebow archive circa December 2011: "Photos: Tim Tebow vs. Tom Brady, an intangibles point-counterpoint."