Photos: Ten weirdest CU Boulder Confessions, holiday edition
The CU Boulder Confessions Facebook page is a font of weirdness all year long, but especially around a holiday, as we found out earlier this year for our post spotlighting the top ten St. Patrick's Day posts.
As evidence, we offer the following examples, which include a rant about poor tippers, a secret crush on a guy who resembles a murderous dictator and a disgusting act involving a bong. Count down our top ten below.
"I've dated quite a few guys, so naturally I've been asked to have sex in a variety of ways. The weirdest so far has been, 'If I get excited down there, can you help me out?'" Number 9:
"I hate how Colorado drivers give California drivers shit for driving in the snow, but half of you assholes can't even drive in the snow yourselves, so shut the fuck up." Continue to keep counting down the ten weirdest CU Boulder Confessions, holiday edition.
"To all you college kids who think it's ok to not tip a delivery driver on a snowy day: FUCK YOU. I don't need to be risking my life for free just because you're too lazy to go out in the cold to pick it up yourself." Number 7:
"I think girls that are bundled up in winter clothes are more attractive than those McSlooties that you see out there." Continue to keep counting down the ten weirdest CU Boulder Confessions, holiday edition.
"For the past 5 days, I've been sleeping in the Norlin Library. I've been doing this many times for the past two months and I just can't help myself. That couch is more comfortable than my apartment bed." Number 5:
"So there's this guy who works at the Emporium who literally looks like Hitler between his haircut and his mustache. But he's super hot. Is it weird that I basically want to fuck Hitler?" Continue to keep counting down the ten weirdest CU Boulder Confessions, holiday edition.
"I'd work out, but my body needs all the fat to keep warm right now." Number 3:
"I woke up from the most amazing dream this morning. I took the stage at Red Rocks and threw down one of the hardest EDM sets anyone has ever played. I had the crowd going wild, chanting my name, going crazy. I finish my set and walk off stage taking the hand of my beautiful wife watching at the edge of the stage. We walk down to our limo where we get in to be greeted by all our friends who congratulate me on a great show as we begin to light up and pop bottles. It was the single greatest feeling I can imagine. There's only one downside. In real life, no one cares about my music, I've been rejected or left by every girl I've ever loved, and the people I thought were my friends have proven that they are just fake uncaring assholes concerned about themselves. I would sell my soul to achieve my dream, but I know that no matter what I do I'll never be anything more than a waste of space. I give up on life and trying to be happy." Continue to keep counting down the ten weirdest CU Boulder Confessions, holiday edition.
"I ordered a dozen of cookies and two milkshakes and answered the door in a cheetah onesie as weed smoke poured out of the door. I think the delivery man was more impressed than anything." Number 1:
"This morning I found out someone took a shit in my bong, and then froze it."
More from our Lists & Weirdness archive circa March: "Photos: Top ten St. Patrick's Day posts on CU-Boulder Confessions."
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.