Interested in reacquainting yourself with the weird side of Denver? Spend some time on Denver Craigslist, where strangeness is on view every single day -- and it can be yours for a bargain price!
Below, eyeball the ten most unusual posts we found during a recent tour of the site's offerings. They're not all items for sale, but each of them is worth its weight in odd.
No, this Broncos fan isn't trying to sell his Tim Tebow jersey. He wants John Elway to compensate him for it. He writes: "John Elway please buy back my TIM TEBOW jersey. WTF. Reebok, Nike and whoever else needs [to] sell a Jersey with Velcro name/number so that we can change without breaking the bank. Unlike the top 1% I can not throw money away when trying to SUPPORT MY CITY & MY TEAM. Please ADVISE!!!!"
The ball's in your court, Big John.
Although this item is presumably a meteorite, the seller isn't absolutely positive. "I have what I believe to be a meteorite," he writes. His evidence? "It is magnetic, very strange looking."
No photos are included, but the "meteorite" is listed as being "2/12 inches by 2/12 inches." Does that mean it's two-and-a-half inches square, a sixth of an inch square or between two and twelve inches square? That's another one of the solar system's great mysteries....
Page down to continue reading our list of the ten weirdest posts on Denver Craigslist. 8. Do you want to help with my class assignment?
Here's the pitch: "If you have been struggling with something (addiction, troubles with eating, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, depression, etc.) and need someone to talk to, I would love to sit down with you and listen.
"I am pursing my masters degree in counseling and am looking for someone willing to be interviewed for one of my classes. I am not a licensed counselor, but this is a good chance to 'test the waters' if you have been considering counseling for yourself."
Taking advantage of this deal could also be a test of something else, too, as the person behind the post concedes. "I want you to feel comfortable before agreeing to meet with me," he writes, "because I understand it can be a little strange to meet someone off of Craigslist."
And spill your most intimate secrets to him.
The tree's owner doesn't provide a photo, but he writes, "I hope you'll take my word that it's a great tree. It's certainly a little 'Charlie Brown-esque'.... It's probably 30 years old."
How much does it cost? The price is in labor, not coin. The post states: "I live in the attic apartment of a beautiful old house...so, you'll have to be willing to help me lug it down the stairs (going down is always easier than going up!) But it's yours for the taking!"
Hurry, because there are only 251 shopping days until Christmas.
Page down to continue reading our list of the ten weirdest posts on Denver Craigslist. 6. "ticket guy WRONG" guy is a Radiohead scalper!
This item is a reply to another Craigslist seller -- the sort of thing that makes entertaining reading, since you're essentially coming into the middle of a conversation, without having much of an idea what's what.
This guy writes: "So, there was this one guy telling everyone to hold out and not support scalpers and that prices will fall. I agree with him. Now there's this other guy trying to create hysteria again...pretty funny how obvious it is that HE is probably someone who stands to lose money if we don't all freak out and pay $250 for a ticket. Nice try, jerk!"
I think he meant "Creep."
Right after a Boulder woman invested in lots o' stuff to help her great pregnant, she discovered that she already was. With that in mind, she's offering a "ClearBlue Easy fertility monitor," "One unopened package of 30 fertility monitor stick," "One unopened bottle of FertilAid for men (90 pills)" and "One unopened package of Pre-Seed, sperm-friendly lubricant."
Apparently, no Pre-Seed was needed to help her man get one past the goalie....
Page down to continue reading our list of the ten weirdest posts on Denver Craigslist. 4. Chinese Weasel -- $600
This critter "loves runnin through the doggy door and chasing rabbits around the yard," the seller writes. "The little rascal is potty trained and loves sleepin in the cat litter box."
Sounds adorable. But there is a downside. "My screen door is all scratched up from the scratchin of the weasel," he concedes, adding, "The reason I'm sellin my weasel is because I've had to have the Humane Society come over numerous times and shoot him with a tranquilizer dart because he's dancin on the roof."
Party on, Chinese weasel.
Another excellent reply to another item -- presumably starring a nurse cow this fella thinks is overpriced.
"I don't know the history of this cow, but she looks like shit for the lack of a better term," he allows. "If you think she can handle that many & maintain herself, then you're nuts."
Not that he's that desperate for a nurse cow anyway. In his words, "I got goats that will nurse my abandoned calves."
Page down to continue reading our list of the ten weirdest posts on Denver Craigslist. 2. Sculpture two faced modern -- $19
This sculpture has a face on the front and the back, along with a shared, sorta-golden mane. Guaranteed to scare the crap out of any burglar who enters your place in the dead of night -- and probably you, too. Color it awesome! 1. never fail a drug test again!! (Used Whizzinator) -- $1
Okay, this Whizzinator isn't brand new; it's been used twice. But they normally go for $175, and it's only sixty bucks.
"EZ TO USE!" the ad boasts. "NO MESS! NO WORRIES!"
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Well, maybe one worry -- like how hygienic was the last person who strapped this baby on.
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More from our Lists & Weirdness archive: "Photos: Colorado people of Walmart (including Mrs. Dog) strike back!"