Next Monday, despite threats of a lawsuit, the Denver City Council seems all but certain to impose a ban on medical marijuana outdoor advertising -- a proposal that seems to have been almost entirely motivated by antipathy toward sign spinners.
If the council lowers the boom, how will these MMJ spinners use their skills in the future? We've got ten ideas.
Number 10: School crossing guard
This is a profession that could definitely use an infusion of style. Just be careful not to spin the sign at the wrong moment and accidentally direct the kids into the intersection. Number 9: Karate Sensei
Think about it: Sign spinners have the dexterity, the footwork and the arm strength needed to help students turn that belt black in no time flat. Watch out, large boards! Your days are numbered! Number 8: Wave starter
Far too many people who try to start waves at games lack the panache to do so, or the staying power to keep people jumping out of their seats long after the fun's over. For those reasons and more, sign spinners would be perfect for the job. The only problem is figuring out how to get paid for it. Number 7: Plane director
Go left! Go right! Circle around that 747! Just imagine how well a sign spinner could control the ground on an airport taxi area -- and how cool it would look from the air. Page down to see more of our top ten jobs for soon-to-be-unemployed medical marijuana sign spinners. Number 6: Cheerleader
If a spinner can whip a sign around in an artistic way, just think what he or she could do with some pom poms -- or a baton. Number 5: Orchestra conductor
Speaking of batons, a sign spinner with a good ear for music could wield one of these babies like a light saber. Granted, all that frantic gesticulating might freak out classical musicians -- but that could be fun, too. Number 4: Roadside crew member
The signs aren't quite as aerodynamic as the ones used to advertise MMJ and plenty of other things. But at least you won't get in trouble for stopping traffic. Hell, that'd be your job! Page down to see more of our top ten jobs for soon-to-be-unemployed medical marijuana sign spinners. Number 3: Juggler
If you can catch and toss a sign, you can catch and toss a ball -- or a bowling pin -- or a chainsaw. Clown makeup optional. Number 2: Mime
Of course, makeup is pretty much required for mimes. But for a sign spinner, creating the illusion of coming up against an invisible wall would be a snap. And talking about pumping new life into the old caught-in-a-windstorm gag. Number 1: Queen of England
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Queen Elizabeth's wave has always been pretty timid, albeit instantly recognizable. A sign spinner would be able to give this greeting a 21st century upgrade. But first, you've got to convince Prince Charles to dump Camilla for you -- then bide your time....
More from our Follow That Story archive: "Sign spinners: You can twirl in Denver...but not in Greenwood Village!"