Back in 2010, the folks at Condomania, a web-based condom retailer, came out with a list of states ranked by penis size (based on the size of condoms people from each one ordered), and Colorado placed 40th! Oh, the shame!
This year, however, Condomania's updated its list, and Colorado has made a big leap forward. How far did we rise? Count down the photo-illustrated top twenty to see where we wound up -- and which states still have an alleged size advantage.
Number 20: Pennsylvania
Not quite as big as a jumbo Philly cheesesteak, but pretty respectable anyhow. Number 19: Oregon
We don't want to speculate about whether Oregon's place on this roster has anything to do with it being the Beaver State.... Number 18: Virginia
A state named for a virgin queen. Hope all those sizable penises aren't going to waste. Number 17: Connecticut
No surprise given that the whole state looks like a penis. Number 15: California
Great: Something else for Californians to boast about.... Number 14: New Jersey
Would you expect any less from the state that gave us both Frank Sinatra and Tony Soprano? Number 13: Wisconsin
Putting the "more" in "Baltimore." Number 11: Colorado
Whoo-hoo! Watch out, top ten! Here we come! Number 10: South Carolina
North Carolina didn't make the cut. Guess that gives South Carolina bragging rights. Number 9: New York
From the Crimson Tide to the Crimson Wide. Number 7: Arizona
The guys in Arizona are supposed to be hot -- but we hear it's a dry heat. Number 6: Ohio
Finally some good news for Cleveland. Number 5: Massachusetts
If this isn't an argument for statehood, we don't know what is. Number 3: South Dakota
Not fair! You shouldn't be allowed to estimate penis size from the heads on Mount Rushmore! Number 2: Rhode Island
Gotta think they're ordering larger sizes than they need to compensate. Number 1: North Dakota
How you gonna keep 'em in the city when they see how big the penises are on the farm?
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More from our Schmuck of the Week archive circa March 2010: "The guys who called Coloradans' d*cks small: Shmucks of the Week."