Play Bawl!

Dear Mexican: I recently went to a Los Angeles Dodgers game. There are always rivalries in any sport, of course, pero the white people cheering for the St. Louis Cardinals clapped and cheered when their team did something good. When the Dodgers did good, the Mexican fans — mostly homeboys and paisas — yelled profanities and flipped other people off. It's bad enough our culture gets a bad rap, but they shouldn't add leña to the fuego.
Garciaparra Girl

Dear Wabette: It's always noble and a bit antiquated to ask for decency in this modern mundo, but you're waging a Sisyphean battle if you think you can reform foul-mouthed Dodgers devotees — and not because they're a bunch of Mexicans. Remember that "fan" in the context of sports is short for "fanatic," and don't forget about the followers of the Oakland Raiders, New York Giants/Mets/Jets/Yankees/Knicks...really, any major-league rooter except those pussies who cheer for the baseball Cardinals.

Dear Mexican: I've noticed your ongoing theme of pushing for "immigration reform." I realize your concern for your fellow compadres, but what of those of us who see that our country is becoming simply too overcrowded and too Hispanicized? At the school I taught at in Dallas, all the blacks left, and their places were filled by the illegals' children. And because I don't speak Spanish, I was forced into an early retirement. First, we need a zero-population-growth mentality. I used to be a Catholic, but in this day and age, pushing for no birth control is insane. So do you believe we should just open up the country to anyone and everyone? Where do we draw the line?
Randy for Romo


sports fans

Dear Gabacha: Damn, chula, get yourself together! Your question scatters across rhyme and reason like Mexicans spilling out of a hole in the border fence. I'll address pero one part of your pregunta: the idea that Mexicans are irredeemably Hispanicizing the United States. For your answer, I turn ¡Ask a Mexican! over to the chingón satirist of his time, Benjamin Franklin:

...Why should the Palatine Boors [Germans] be suffered to swarm into our Settlements, and by herding together establish their Language and Manners to the Exclusion of ours? Why should Pennsylvania, founded by the English, become a Colony of Aliens, who will shortly be so numerous as to Germanize us instead of our Anglifying them, and will never adopt our Language or Customs, any more than they can acquire our Complexion?

Last I checked, the most German thing remaining in Pennsylvania were the Amish, and they're more American than the Phillie Phanatic. Though Mexicans are influencing the culture of America, the Republic always absorbs its idiot immigrants and becomes richer for it.


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