1. No memorial for him: About-to-be-sacked Crush coach Bob Beers said this as he walked off the field following his 2-14 team's final loss:
A. "A few bounces here and there, and we'd have been 3-13."
B. "Sometimes you eat the bear; sometimes the bear eats you."
C. "I think we were building something promising here."
D. "We'll be remembered as one of the toughest football teams this town has seen recently."
2. Almost nothing captures the essence of the upcoming Memorial Day holiday like fried food. Denverites can puff out their chests with pride because this city has a shrine to:
A. The Spaulding FatFriar, the prototype for the wire baskets used to cook french, er, freedom fries.
B. The alleged inventor of the cheeseburger.
C. An unknown pastry chef who accidentally invented doughnut holes.
D. The brains behind calves'-brain tacos.
3. Etch this recent John Hickenlooper quote in Formica:
A. "Denver is a medium-sized city for medium-sized dreams."
B. "Someone once asked Lincoln how long a man's legs should be. I think I'm qualified to answer questions like that."
C. "Spare change? Sorry. It's all spent on those commercials."
D. "I do not remember doing so. Could I have done so? Yes."
4. Don Mares used a description for the ages when he charged his opponent with being:
A. A "geologist in wolf's clothing."
B. A "naive politician."
C. A "Howdy Doody lookalike."
D. "Someone with a silly-sounding name."
5. In the new Blair-Caldwell African American Research Library, his soon-to-be-unemployedness, Mayor Wellington Webb, is remembered with:
A. A display of multiple pairs of his gigantic footwear, complete with tread analysis.
B. Summaries of his typical daily caloric intake.
C. An almost-life-sized model of his desk in City Hall.
D. Loop tapes of some of his favorite music, supplied by Jammin' 92.5.
6. And finally, Her First Ladyship, Wilma Webb, has been immortalized in the same facility with:
A. A cookbook of her favorite recipes, including "Wilma's Meatloaf Surprise," a surefire mayor-pleaser.
B. A display of her favorite trinkets from a China trip.
C. School yearbooks, in which the future Mrs. Webb was hailed as "Most Likely to Become President."
D. Gowns worn to actual public events.
1. B. Beers got to bear the wrath of CEO John Elway.
2. B. A small memorial at 2776 Speer Boulevard declares that Louis Ballas, owner of the Humpty-Dumpty drive-in, created the first "cheeseburger" there in 1935.
3. D. Hick said he didn't recall making a certain non-peaceful statement about the Colorado Campaign for Middle East Peace.
4. B. Tough-talking Mares branded his mayoral foe "naive." Ouch!
5. C. The desk memorializes Webb's seat of power.
6. D. Wilma's clothing will provide a raiment of hope for future generations.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.