A. A butler and a French maid.
B. Unlimited use of a hand-woven Tibetan yoga mat.
C. Fireplaces.
D. A custom-tone wind chime designed to enhance the serenity of a guest's stay.
2. Which of the following is untrue about Dwayne Carswell, the Broncos' 260-pound jackhammer tight end?
A. He agreed to restitution and community service following two mistrials last year on charges of assaulting a Pueblo County woman.
B. He served a year's probation after pleading guilty to grabbing his girlfriend by the neck.
C. He was awarded the "Mr. Big Bump" trophy twice last year by the Broncos for hard-nosed blocks thrown during games.
D. The backup to Shannon Sharpe was recently jailed in Atlanta for allegedly picking up his girlfriend. By the neck.
3. Retiring Avs goalie Patrick Roy couldn't retire interest in his domestic-disturbance arrest from two and a half years ago because:
A. Copies of his Arapahoe County Jail ID badge recently showed up on eBay for auction.
B. A state representative from Fort Lupton proposed a "Roy Relief Measure," aimed at protecting celebs from undue media attention.
C. Roy's wife, Michele, told a French-Canadian TV station that the door-tearing incident in the couple's Greenwood Village home "had added value to the resale of our home. Ees lucky, no?"
D. Roy delivered a handwritten note to Sheriff Grayson Robinson, thanking him for his support during the ordeal.
4. Things have been smooth for the Rockies' Shawn Chacon this season. But during the off season, things were rockier because:
A. He inadvertently beaned a passerby from Pomona while chucking apples at a tree in his yard.
B. He was charged with a misdemeanor after hitting someone in the head with a beer bottle during a Fort Collins bar fight.
C. A tape recording of a dugout tirade surfaced, during which he compared manager Clint Hurdle to "a tub of lard with the brain of a squirrel."
D. The owner of a Greeley tattoo parlor sued him for non-payment after the inkster misspelled the hurler's name as "Sean" on a tattooed heart.
5. Even a Colorado sports mascot got into trouble last year. Kenn S. Solomon, aka Rocky, agreed to go through domestic-violence evaluation and treatment following a domestic clash with his ex-wife. But on the court, his character has done all but which of these:
A. Smashed a birthday cake into a female fan.
B. Ridden a motorcycle across the floor.
C. Hit on Michael Jordan.
D. Waved his flaming tail into the startled faces of the Utah Jazz, singeing John Stockton's eyebrows.
6. Cultural Bonus: Anthony Perkins, who portrayed outfielder Jimmy Piersall and his mental breakdown in 1957's Fear Strikes Out, starred in the 1988 Denver cult film Destroyer with what former heavy hitter?
A. Mike Harden.
B. Vance Johnson.
C. Lyle Alzado.
D. Orson Mobley.
Answers:
1. C. The Segovia is so elegant it even sports -- gasp! -- multiple fireplaces. Hot times in Eagle!
2. C. Carswell did not receive the fictional award. Now, if there's a Big Chump honor...
3. A. The badges were on eBay. Sheriff Robinson is investigating the puck-up.
4. B. Chacon is scheduled for a July 25 hearing in Larimer County Court on third-degree assault charges.
5. D. His lightning-bolt tail hasn't singed Stockton. Yet.
6. C. Tough-guy Lyle, now deceased, was in the film about a fellow and his electric chair.
