1. Which food would not be a breeding zone for bacteria if left at room temp for more than two hours?
A. Roast turkey.
C. Yummy baked ham.
D. Brain tacos.
2. Which is not a symptom of food poisoning?
A. Rockies pitching.
3. Pets can really take a beating during these festive times. Which of these should not be part of Fido's Christmas/Hanukkah/ Kwanzaa goodie bag?
A. Chocolate Santas.
B. Kibble Hickenloopers.
C. Forsberg Meatballs.
D. Filet Musgrave.
4. Finish this sentence: "Eating poinsettias will make you..."
A. Deader than a Democrat's chances of unseating Congressman Tom Tancredo.
B. As sluggish as Broncos non-performer Daryl Gardener.
C. Mildly upset, sort of like the feeling you get driving south on I-25 past the Tech Center.
D. As frisky as Governor Bill Owens.
5. Cultural bonus: Which of these stomach-burning galas is headed our way in the holiday stretch?
A. A Battlebot Christmas.
B. Santa's Lil' Ho's.
C. Burlesque XXXMas.
D. Buddy Pucky's Harmonica Slay-Ride.
1. D. Like the other choices, brain tacos would be dangerous if they sat around for two hours -- but aren't brain tacos always the first thing you grab at a holiday potluck?
2. A. The Rockies' hurling is a symptom of stoopidus managedementus, which is similar to food poisoning but not the same.
3. A. Santas, since chocolate can kill canines. The rest would be plenty unappetizing to humans, but dog-healthy.
4. C. Mildly upset. According to Denver Health, "poinsettias are not very toxic despite common belief."
5. C. Nothing says "Season's Greetings" like a visit from strippers Dita Von Teese and Kitten on the Keys.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.
- Reader: Landlords Are Overcharging Marijuana Businesses Because They Can
Thu., Sep. 3, 7:00pm
Fri., Sep. 4, 7:00pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:00am
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:30pm
- Remembering the Denver Wax Museum and Nine More Long-Gone Local Landmarks
- Dear Mexican: Was Jimi Hendrix Part Mexican?