Produce Paradise, August 29

Here's a brief look at some of the items America is desperate to learn about today:

Beth Mattek Tennis star Beth Mattek is churning up the Internet today for her choice in, uh, “fashion” on the court. All I can say is if her sense of style sets a trend, tennis will quickly overcome golf as the sport with the most god-awful clothing associated with it.

Burning Man The yearly freak festival kicked off Monday, but the big news this year that’s getting all the press is the early ignition of the Burning Man itself, which is usually burnt on Saturday, the second-to-last day of the festival. A San Francisco man has been arrested for arson for setting it alight. Remember grade school when there was always one kid who had to ruin a good time for everyone? That’s this guy, all grown up. Nice job, asshat.

Justine Ezarik This videoblogger got a 300-page bill from AT&T for her iPhone and made a video post about it. Jesus. If these things catch on, there won’t be a tree left on the planet within two years. She told Gizmodo in an interview (her video is embedded in the interview) that the bill was only $274.81, but did cover around 30,000 text messages. Apparently AT&T felt each text deserved special mention.

Active Denial System The Air Force apparently isn’t going to deploy its fancy ray gun in Iraq after all. Apparently, the fear of public backlash was the cause. Imagine, people having a queasy reaction to a weapon that makes the target feel like they’re being boiled alive. Torture at a distance is still torture, apparently.

Produce Paradise Two brothers employed as produce workers make a funny video about the gangsta life of produce workers, then get fired from their jobs and sued by the company. Thank god we live in America, where our freedom of speech is a right, guaranteeing that the government can’t kill you for saying something, but big corporations are still free to make you wish you were dead. – Cory Casciato

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