This week at Schmuck of the Week headquarters, we find ourselves faced with a conundrum.
To whit: Which of these alleged meth heads recently busted by the Mesa County Sheriff's Office is dumbest — the woman accused of trying to sneak a pipe into jail or the man who returned to the scene of a reported burglary even though the authorities were already there.
Let's start with Tammy Gagnon, a 48-year-old from Grand Junction seen below:
At around 11 a.m. on August 5 — prime meth-smoking time, apparently — deputies conducting school checks noticed what's described as a suspicious vehicle in the parking lot of a church in Clifton, a community just beyond Grand Junction's city limits.
When the deputies investigated, they found a couple of problems. First, Gagnon is said to have admitted she didn't have a valid driver's license — and the plate on the ride was stolen.
At that point, Gagnon was taken to jail. But during the booking process, there was a little surprise: She had a meth pipe on her — something she was apparently hoping that no one would notice.
Somebody did. And so, in addition to being arrested on suspicion of driving while under suspension and operating an uninsured vehicle, she was also booked for meth possession and introducing contraband (the pipe) into jail — a felony.
Schmuck of the Week material? Sure — but before you cast your vote for Gagnon, consider the story of three other Junctionites: Alexis Miranda-Ruiz, 23, Thomas Shriver, twenty, and Israel Massingill, eighteen.
The trio's moment in the law-enforcement spotlight got underway at around 10 a.m. on August 6, when MCSO deputies were called to the 500 block of 32 and 1/2 road in GJ — although the interactive graphic of the area (if you have problems seeing the image, click "View on Google Maps") calls the location Clifton, too.
The original call involved a burglary in progress — and upon their arrival at a house on the block, the deputies found one member of the group at the abode and another across the street.
As for the third, he "returned to the residence while deputies were still on-scene," the MCSO notes.
A bonus: The three weren't charged with burglary, suggesting either a mistaken impression by the initial caller or a level of ineptitude on their part that's positively off the charts.
In any event, Miranda-Ruiz and Shriver were both arrested on suspicion of possessing meth and drug paraphernalia. And Massingill? He was also booked on these beefs, as well as prohibited use of a weapon and illegal possession or consumption of marijuana by a person under age 21.
So who's the biggest schmuck? In our view, whichever person you pick would be a mighty good choice.
Here are booking photos for Miranda-Ruiz, Shriver and Massingill.