Rocky Flats to open as Thanksgivingland theme park: Kenny Be's Worst-Case Scenario
From the Kenny Be vault. Originally published on November 18, 2004.
Thanksgivingland: Extreme Thanksgiving fun for the pilgrim in everyone.
The U.S. Department of Energy's refusal to provide funds for a Cold War museum at Rocky Flats is a true blessing. What is needed at the site is a tourist-friendly attraction that is completely funded by corporate dollars...
Thanksgivingland will feature the Butterball® Wildlife Refuge of Extreme Turkey Paintball. Here, kids catch the spirit of the Thanksgiving holiday and they get to keep the bird they tag. Fun for Moms too! Page down.
Moms will enjoy dressing their kid's catch in the refurbished plutonium glove boxes at the Pilgrim's Pride® Interactive Abattoir. Look below to see activities for Dad.
While the kids and Mom are busy with the day's catch, Dad will be able to catch the Coors Light® Twins' Half-Time Tribute to Thanksgiving in the Lay-Z-Boy Theatre. Feast your eyes on the Food Court below.
When everyone in the family has finally worked up an appetitie, then it's time to belly up to the Thanksgivingland All-You-Can-Eat Food Court.
The perfect after-dinner theme-park ride is pictured below...
After eating, everyone will enjoy the Ocean Spray® TryptoPhantastic Lazy River Cranberry Bog Inner-Tube Ride. Here, overstuffed tubers float gently past a multitude of TV screens showing the latest in quality broadcast programming. Below, see why shoppers will love the bargains at the Always-Black-Friday Mall...
At the Thanksgivingland Always-Black Friday Mall, every shopping day of the year is as exciting as the day after Thanksgiving. Dozens of unique stores carry exclusive merchandise. The Hormel® Thanksgiving Feastables® pictured above are only available at the T.G. Feastables Snackery Outlet Store, but can be shipped world-wide.
More from our Kenny Be/Comics archive: "Thanksgiving decorations struggle for freedom: Kenny Be's Yard Arteology."
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.