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If you hear any loud screams today: Worry not. It is (probably) not one of your favorite Westwordians falling from the roof of the Fainting Goat. It is, more likely, the sound of someone who just donated $1,000 to rappel down the face of a very tall building and is now hurdling toward his death, screaming and thinking, "Huh. I donated $1,000 to cancer research for the right to scale this building. Maybe I should have donated it to rappelling-safety research."
That's right, folks: Today and tomorrow only, the Cancer League of Colorado is teaming up with some crazy Canadians to offer you the "opportunity" to rappel down One Lincoln Park, in exchange for a suggested minimum donation of $1,000. The ropes will be manned by a Canadian adventure firm called Over the Edge.
But while you might think your biggest risk would be said Canadians drinking too much Molson, arguing about Ottawa's defensive issues and dropping you to your death, more likely you'll somehow wind up entangled in some sort of weird legal mess. The building, after all, is the epicenter of the clusterfuck known as Erik Osborn's real-estate development career.
So: If you have a grand lying around and want to do something good with it, go to www.cancerleague.org. We'll be at the Goat, listening for the screams.