Dear Readers: My recent column regarding the dissimilarities between Scots and Mexicans provoked a surprising number of responses — both from Irish readers and real Scotsmen furious that letter writer Great Scot could be so pendejo. Here are two:
Dear Mexican: I thought the Mexican's analysis was right on with regard to the "otherness" of Scotsmen and the brotherhood of Micks and Spics. As a fourth-generation Irish-American Catholic, I'd like to say that the cultural admiration is mutual. I'm proud of the contributions that Irish immigrants have made in this country, and I look forward to the Mexican contribution. And I'd much rather have a hard-workin', hard-drinkin', Our Lady-lovin' hermano at my side in a fight than a kilt-wearin' Calvinist.
O'lder Hermano, Aurora
Dear Mexican: Having just read Great Scot's question, I can't help but think that he is one of those Americans who calls himself Scottish because his surname starts with Mc or Mac, or his great-great-granny once drunk a whisky. These are the types of people who are so insecure about being American that they have to latch on to any European heritage to feel like they have some history. As I was born and raised in Scotland 'til the ripe old age of 21, I can tell you this: There is no Scottish person I've ever heard of who identifies with Celtic history who would ever boast about the 1707 Act of Union. So Great Scot has given himself away as being not a Scottish person at all, but rather an American who desperately wishes that he were Scottish. There's nothing that annoys me more than when people find out I am Scottish and go on to tell me how they are Scottish, too, with their American accents. I even had one dumb-as-dirt female respond with a flick of her ginger locks and the line "Oh, I'm Scottish, too, can't you tell?" No, because hair color isn't really the best indicator of national origin. Nice try, Great Scot; maybe you should try passing yourself off as another type of foreigner in the USA.
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P.S.: America would be shit without Mexicans!!!!!!
A Non-Fraud Scot
Dear Thrifty Gabacho: I didn't realize you Scots were as jingoistic, macho and rambling as us Mexicans. Gracias for the love!
Dear Mexican: Why shouldn't the United States demand a hundred barrels of oil from Mexico for each illegal Mexican as compensation for the cost of their impact on our sovereign country?
Christ, Hispanics Endanger Very Rigid Oil Numbers
Dear CHEVRON: Because if Mexico did the same — demand a hundred barrels for every time el Norte meddled in Mexican affairs — your Toyota would run on peat moss.