It's as if the planets suddenly came into alignment -- but in a truly disgusting way.
Yes, friends, we bring you two, count 'em, two thoroughly repulsive stories with Colorado connections involving jails and shit. Paul Kausalik and Abram Boise, come on down!
According to an arrest affidavit cited by the Herald, Kausalik was stopped by Durango Police officers after making a turn without signaling -- and said cops soon determined he had alcohol on his breath. Kausalik claimed not to have been drinking, but after he registered a .142 blood alcohol content reading on a preliminary test, he was hauled in to the police station anyhow.
There, he reportedly asked to go to the bathroom, where he filled his mouth with something that had previously resided in his large intestine. Then, after emerging from the john, he spit the contents on one of the cops.
Bet his breath didn't smell like alcohol after that! But the police decided to stick with the DUI allegation anyhow, adding a felony assault charge. Because what he'd spewed clearly constituted a deadly weapon.
Boise first came to reality-TV prominence as a cast member of MTV's Road Rules: South Pacific before competing in the first Real World/Road Rules Challenge, staged in Telluride circa 2003. But he made a new name for himself following a bust in Massachusetts.
After being picked up for public urination, our own Jef Otte writes, Boise "reportedly defecated like some virulent chimpanzee into his hand and smeared it all over his jail cell. And that was after police say he pissed all over the first jail cell they put him in (which, just to recap, was after he was originally picked up for a piss-related crime). Once in the second cell, police said in his arraignment yesterday, the self-described artist and writer used his poop like so much finger paint, writing his name in three-foot letters on the cell wall (kind of ruins your plausible deniability), also soiling a couple of windows."
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Otte adds: "Boise is 28 years old, by the way. Just think about that for a second."
I wish the image was gone that quickly -- but I fear it'll linger all day long.
More from our News archive: "Anthony Garcia allegedly adds special ingredient to yogurt -- semen -- at NM Sunflower Market."