Stock Show of city slicker horsemanship: Kenny Be's Yard Arteology

Yard Arteology: The study of neighbors through lawn decoration...

Figure 94a. Villa Park: Horse spat.
Figure 94a. Villa Park: Horse spat.

Denver is home to the National Western Stock Show, so it should come as no surprise that horses are a popular choice of yard decoration. For many city slickers, horse yard art suggests strength and freedom, but the manner in which it is displayed can reveal the most intimate personal secrets...

The horse silhouettes pictured above are actually decorating the backside of a shed that could surely use a fresh coat of paint. The uneven sizing of the plywood sheeting intimates that time-saving was the most important factor in building design.

The height of the horses suggests that they were hung by an adult. That the horses face in opposite directions hints that the hanger is prone to excessive silly arguments. The uneven spacing and downward slant of the not-so-well-hung horses implies that the spats are short lived and caused by stubbornness.

In the photograph below, the display of evenly spaced black horses all facing in the same direction suggests that the yard artist who lives in this home is driven by a need to control others. That the equine lineup hovers over the head of a statue of Jesus hints that the sublimation of instincts is considered the noblest conquest of mankind.

Figure 94b. Villa Park: Equus Christ.
Figure 94b. Villa Park: Equus Christ.

As seen below, the happiest horse is moved by laundry...  

Figure 94c. City Park West: Breeze bronco.
Figure 94c. City Park West: Breeze bronco.

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The horse in the picture above stands on a weather vane placed in front of a dryer vent. The placement suggests that the resident yard artist is a well-grounded member of the creative class. The wind cups set spinning by the steamy dryer exhaust confirm that this is the work of a person with higher levels of energy and greater numbers of clean underpants.

More from our Kenny Be/Comics archive: "John Hickenlooper inaugurated as king of cartoons in 2001: Kenny Be's Time Machine."


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